The 25 funniest things we’ve seen this week
13.
Bought a packet of Jelly Tots for my son, I opened the packet & put them in a bowl to give him a wee surprise.
I haven’t had one in years so I thought I’d taste one to see if they were still the same.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is he really enjoyed his carrot sticks— joe heenan (@joeheenan) June 11, 2019
14.
I just saw a priest blessing a vacuum. Is nothing sacred?
— Pablo Egglescobar (@pauleggleston) June 12, 2019
15.
Which idiot called it a Prince Albert and not a Piers M’organ.
— Ian Power (@IHPower) June 11, 2019
16.
I have never taken drugs.
I have never smoked.
I have never drunk alcohol.
I have never had sex with a pig.
No chance of me being PM then.— CJ de Mooi (@cjdemooi) June 9, 2019
17.
My German is not that great. But I think I understand the headline. pic.twitter.com/WuwOGZZdz9
— Paul (@paulj71) June 13, 2019
18.
I don't use Tinder, I meet girls the old school way: never
— alien skier 👽👽👽 (@clichedout) June 12, 2019
19.
Airport customs: “do you have anything to declare?”
1940’s southern Belle: “Why yes I most certainly do”
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) June 12, 2019
20.
I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) June 13, 2019
21.
To prove that Boris Johnson is fit to be Prime Minister, please join my rally TODAY. We meet at noon in the middle of the Garden Bridge.
— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) June 12, 2019
22.
More cheerful tweet today. Saw Lab in river, appearing to struggle. Whining etc. Mention to owner. “He’s always doing this. Bloody drama queen. Joe! Put your feet down!” Labrador looks sheepish, and STANDS UP IN WATER WHICH COMES UP TO KNEES
— Lucy Freeman (@Lucyvfreeman) June 12, 2019
23.
What the hell has my wife bought?!
Oh, it's a dog toy! Thank Christ for that. 😳 pic.twitter.com/wU0c4DsXRH— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) June 14, 2019
24.
I've started filming every time I ask a girl on a date, so that when I die they can play a blooper reel after my funeral.
— Arena Flowers (@ArenaFlowers) June 13, 2019
25.
Twitter is fun because you get to be like, “Ducks are good” and someone in your mentions will go, “Um, I’m sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view” and then someone else pops up going, “Your silence about horses is extremely telling”
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) June 7, 2019