19 of the best new coronavirus jokes to lower your blood pressure
One day into the government’s new daily coronavirus update regimen and it looks like they’ve had a meeting and agreed to to torch the theatre, pub and restaurant industries.
Since Boris Johnson was heard saying “F_ck business” back when he was Foreign Secretary, he clearly intends to deliver on at least one promise.
As the UK awaits the next thrilling installment of “Health Policy Roulette, Twitter has been spending its time wisely, finding laughs wherever it can.
1.
Coronavirus wfh day one and I'm delighted to announce I've worked out how to play Losing My Religion on the ukelele
— Alan White (@aljwhite) March 16, 2020
2.
Pandemic, Day 5
Spain: Partial lockdown
France: Orders people to stay home for 15 days. Suspends gas, electricity bills and rents throughout crisis
Germany: Closes borders
UK: Just realised their plan will lead to 250,000 deaths, suggests everybody stay away from Les Mis.
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 16, 2020
3.
https://twitter.com/nicolacoughlan/status/1239589110169382912?s=19
4.
The videos of Italians singing on their balconies in lockdown is so beautiful. I PRAY it doesn’t get to that here because I cannot take English people singing Mr Brightside from their front porches 🥴🤢
— todd (@todd_j_cooper) March 14, 2020
5.
If humanity is to become extinct, who would you like to see replace it? Badgers, for me. Love ‘em. They deserve a crack. Badgers.
— Robin Flavell (@RobinFlavell) March 15, 2020
6.
Going to start a self-isolation podcast, breezy and full of cheer on day one, advising you what films to watch and books to read, and then chronicling my swift decline into babbling urine-drinking madness by day three.
— . (@twlldun) March 16, 2020
7.
Working from home:
Day 1: This is very nice
Day 2: I have thrown out all my clothes, I haven't showered in years, I hiss at every noise
— Michael, Quarantine Edition 🌶 (@Home_Halfway) March 16, 2020
8.
“practice social distancing”
-clinical, cold
-boring, lawful
-vague, confusing“stay away, we mustn’t”
-weird, hot
-easy to understand, draws a clear boundary
-big medieval courtly love energy— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) March 13, 2020
9.
Just took 93yr Mum to panic buy loo roll, she's registered blind. In a very loud voice she said, "which box to self isolate." A cheer went up from the responsibly distant shoppers
— 👏🧼👍 katie 👏🧼👍 (@supermathskid) March 15, 2020
10.
Oh no! Now Jehovah's Witnesses will know we're in
— Chris PG ▶️ papaglitch.bsky.social (@_Papaglitch_) March 15, 2020