This tale of public nudity at a German spa is both excruciating and hilarious
We can’t help feeling this wasn’t their first time dealing with a lost, naked, crying visitor.
Eventually the lift doors open. A spa employee stands there. He is the most dressed man to ever be wearing clothes. He has brought NO TOWEL for me. He says something in German, I cry, he sighs, waves for me to follow him. I go after him, still switching around this washcloth
9/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Apparently the only way out of the fire escape is to fully LEAVE THE BUILDING. So I'm cowering on the edge of the pavement, hysterical, & he points round the corner. The only way back in is along the street, THROUGH RECEPTION, where ppl are queuing out the building
10/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
The brain is a powerful organ, and this proves it more conclusively than anything we’ve ever read.
I now have an out of body experience. A shame black out. I have reached my max. I go fully through embarrassment and out the other side. Time slows down. I can hear the music of the spheres.
11/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
I stop crying, drop the washcloth, shoulders back, head high, follow him along the street, past ppl parking their cars, standing in line with their families. People say things, point. I cannot hear them. I am transcendent with shame. Untouchable.
12/
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
Old ladies FTW. The mental imagery is now so surreal, we almost expect a burning giraffe to appear.
Reception is BUSY. So busy he has to yell at ppl to make way so I can get through the crowd. The guy explains (I'm guessing) the situ to the receptionist. This takes actual minutes. An old lady gives me her pool float. It is shaped like a lobster. The claws rest on my boobs.
13/— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
The receptionist asks me for ID. I am wearing only a lobster. Where, friends, where would I be keeping my fucking ID? Receptionist sighs & lets me through the turnstile.
14/— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
This is why he’s the ex-boyfriend, presumably.
Ten minutes later when I run sobbing into a towel and find my bf in the café he has the AUDACITY to be grumpy because he's been waiting for an hour.
Fin
— Anbara Salam (@anbara_salam) March 16, 2020
We may never be able to thank Anbara enough for this. It truly is a masterpiece of hoest narrative.
This is a small sample of the many amazed reactions to the nightmare anecdote.
This added three months to my life oh my gosh https://t.co/QB0z0vCLMI
— 🌈sage🌈 (@sagekozub) March 16, 2020
I'm actually weeping with laughter https://t.co/WUGm1CHFgA
— Josh Chafetz (@joshchafetz) March 16, 2020
emma goldman sachs said what we were thinking.
nope. I’d have left my body and never returned. https://t.co/SDCWsmLfP5
— emma goldman sachs (@purpleproze) March 16, 2020
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If Anbara can do that with a thread, imagine what she can do with a whole novel.
Source Anbara Salam Image @polarmermaid and @chrisjoelcampbell on Unsplash