31 festive funnies to get you into a Christmasy mood
17.
How do you spell apocalypse? I want to get this letter to Santa exactly right.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) November 22, 2020
18.
I refuse to watch Muppet Christmas Carol. I do not see myself or my culture represented. Why is the cast mostly Muppets when the VAST majority of British people are humans? We cannot rewrite history by pretending Tiny Tim was a frog. The very worst kind of pandering tokenism.
— Eleanor Morton is probably joking (@EleanorMorton) November 19, 2020
19.
Recreate the magic of A Christmas Carol for an elderly relative by waking them repeatedly to tell them where they’ve gone wrong in life.
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) December 9, 2020
20.
Pretend you‘re in the 'Do They Know It's Christmas' video by making a face like you've trod on a plug and holding half a grapefruit to your ear.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) December 20, 2020
21.
Devastated I won’t get to enjoy my favourite bit of Christmas this year (reading articles about winter wonderlands that are fucking shit).
— Sooz "Princess Nut Nuts" Kempner (@SoozUK) November 25, 2020
22.
That time of year where we all start arguing about whether Rosemary's Baby is a Christmas film.
— Sam Whyte (@SamWhyte) November 30, 2020
23.
The dog died last weekend and my son has been crying his eyes out all week. Does anyone know where I can get a new one in time for Christmas? Preferably one that doesn’t cry so much.
— Ignacio Lopez (@comedylopez) December 18, 2020
24.
For a change, I got a Dadvent calendar this year. Just opened the first window and it said "shut that before it messes with the thermostat".
— Jason (@NickMotown) December 1, 2020
25.
Girls, does your man:
Talk to deer
Force little people to work unpaid
Have a gut
Disappear for 24 hours every year?That’s not your man, that’s Santa Claus
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) December 2, 2020
26.
Mrs. Claus: you didn't get batteries
Santa Claus: oh sorry
Mrs. Claus: or eggnog or bagels
Santa Claus:
Mrs. Claus: *crumpling list* checked it twice my ass
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) December 2, 2020
27.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me… three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
Les a mangé (translation: ate them)— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) December 3, 2020
28.
Spending a lot of time thinking about why Bob and Emily Cratchit had two pig babies and two frog babies instead of four fucked-up frog/pig hybrids.
— 🏳️🌈 Mary ChristMax 🏳️🌈 (@SpillerOfTea) December 1, 2020
29.
I am the Christmas Ghost of "Trying To Find Today's Door on The Advent Calendar, Slowly Growing Convinced There is a Manufacturing Error, Before Realising You Are Looking For Yesterday's Date"
— Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) December 17, 2020
30.
The adult version of “Elf on the Shelf” is “Where are my keys?”.
— Ghostface Kryllah (@Kryzazy) November 18, 2020
31.
When driving home for Christmas, always ensure you keep checking the Rea view mirror.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) December 17, 2020
Finally – and very much NSFW, a prediction from Matt Highton.
Prediction: I think this is going to be the first Queens Christmas speech where she drops the word cunt in.
— Matthew Frighton (@MattHighton) December 20, 2020
READ MORE
Simply 33 Christmas jokes to get you right into the festive spirit
Source Twitter Image Nicole Michalou on Pexels
