Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week

Poke Staff. Updated February 10th, 2021

13.

"Your optimism for the future makes me think you're not paying attention."

My mum: It's a baby shower. Just write "congratulations".

— Émilie d'La Poubelle (@MidniteMadwoman) January 12, 2021

14.

mentally i’m this rice bear sleeping in this beautiful garden of broth pic.twitter.com/WCsMTnTGug

— siham yasmin ♡ (@angedecouleur) January 10, 2021

15.

There needs to be a word for when you're comforting your sobbing teenage daughter's sorrow over Harry Styles seeming to be into older women, whilst also putting on lipstick and mouthing "I am coming for you, Harry" in the mirror.

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) January 12, 2021

16.

*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube

— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 12, 2021

17.

why is it spelled "camouflage" and not

— what the actual heck (@jazz_inmypants) January 11, 2021

18.

sex is cool but have you ever been brown while watching white terrorists dragged off a plane

— Fizaa Dosani (@FizaaDosani) January 11, 2021

19.

Feels insulting that we named cars’ power after horses, when cars stole horses jobs.
That’s like if your friend Dave got fired, and the guy that replaced him measured his success in Dave power.

— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 11, 2021

20.

Psychiatrist: Why did you decide you needed therapy?

Dog: So I'd be allowed on a couch

— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) January 12, 2021

21.

My wife and I are sitting on the couch watching tv and I hear a text, realizing I left my phone in the kitchen, I get up, go to the kitchen to check it…

and its a text from my wife:

Please bring the chips on your way back

— Doc 🍥 (@DocAtCDI) January 11, 2021

22.

Give a man a fish and he can feed himself for a day. But give him one eighth of a fish, and you can keep the rest of the fish yourself.
– Ancient Tory Proverb

— Alasdair Beckett-King (@MisterABK) January 12, 2021

23.

I’m really feeling the absence of Celebrity Big Brother this January.
The likes of Laurence Fox, Julia Hartley-Brewer and Darren Grimes could have been locked up with no access to Twitter for the best part of a month.

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) January 13, 2021

24.

I don't put projects on the back burner. I put them under the floorboards, where the ever-louder beating of their hearts drives me slowly to madness.

— Celeste Labedz (@celestelabedz) January 14, 2021

25.

bank robber: put your hands where I can see or you all die

me: *covering his eyes* I got this y'all

— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) January 14, 2021