These 27 funny parenting tweets go out to mums and dads everywhere

Poke Staff. Updated July 5th, 2021

13.

it’s been 14 months working from home with 3 kids. That’s 425 days. 425 multiplied by 3 is 1,275. i have been asked 1,275 times over 425 days “are you doing work today?”. so yes i’m having bourbon for breakfast, susan.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 20, 2021

14.

“FIVE MINUTES TIL BED!” I yell to my daughter because 90% of parenting is stage managing

— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) May 11, 2021

15.

May you have the confidence of my child, who asked for a snack five minutes after refusing to eat his meal

— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) May 11, 2021

16.

Tonight our 4 year old ate his dinner in a record time of 4 hours 27 minutes

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) June 28, 2021

17.

WE ARE CLOSED.

NOBODY WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE.

-me, when my kids ask for an elaborate snack at bedtime

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 13, 2021

18.

I love when I mention getting frustrated with my kids and someone’s like “have you tried TALKING to your kids?”

Omg thank you you visionary and here I’ve been communicating with fucking charades silly me

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) June 29, 2021

19.

Today I worked from home, ran 10 miles, homeschooled my kids, cleaned the house, made a delicious dinner, and got my kids to bed early. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you lie.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 15, 2020

20.

My 4 year old asked what happens when you drive over a stick of butter. I said, it’ll flatten. He asked how I knew. And that’s how we got here. So what I’m saying is, when we have a hypothesis in this house, we test it. I’m also saying, my wife is away. pic.twitter.com/cHX5KXC3re

— Nick Vitanza (@VitanzaNick) May 31, 2021

21.

The silence after your kid falls over is the worst. Because they’re either absolutely fine or filling their lungs with enough air to mimic an air raid siren.

— The Dad (@thedad) September 17, 2020

22.

I asked my son what he wanted for his birthday and my daughter yelled MORE DEODORANT so now I have a favorite child.

— Sweet Momissa 🪁 (@sweetmomissa) June 19, 2021

23.

The toilet handle is lava

-my kids

— Sweet Momissa 🪁 (@sweetmomissa) October 30, 2020

24.

8-year-old: What are we having for dinner?

Me: I don't know. What's something you won't complain about?

8: I'll get back to you.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2020

25.

Somehow I’ve lucked out and have an 8yo who thinks secretly reading under the covers past her bedtime is an act of rebellion, and it hasn’t yet occurred to her that her flashlights never seem to run out of batteries.

— Robert McNees (@mcnees) August 13, 2020

26.

7-year-old: I'm done with homework.

Me: You did it?

7: That's not what I said.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2020

27.

If children knew how much their parents were winging it, the whole system would topple.

— dADDisms (@Beagz) February 13, 2021

And there’s a whole load more – 50! – of this sort of thing over on Buzzfeed here.

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