Simply 33 of the funniest tweets about parenting

Poke Staff. Updated February 5th, 2022

18.

Parents of little kids: when your kids hit the teen years, keep a stash of alcohol and snacks in your closet so you’ll have something to do when you are hiding from them.

— Seriously (@wavehi4me) August 9, 2021

19.

What doesn’t kill you wakes you up at 5 am asking for cereal and Peppa Pig.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 4, 2021

20.

Nothing raises my blood pressure faster than when my 3 year old tells me not to worry

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 20, 2021

21.

Every single parent in the history of kid’s birthday parties who was offered a slice of pizza and declined really wanted that pizza.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2021

22.

Welcome to your 40s there is no graceful way to get off any Disney ride

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) July 12, 2021

23.

My toddler clapped while I was eating my second piece of cake and this is the encouragement that’s been missing from my life.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 26, 2021

24.

62% of parenting is improvisational theatre

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 13, 2021

25.

Dropping my daughter off at camp and she’s a little anxious. Told her to find the biggest camper and start a fight to establish dominance.

— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) June 27, 2021

26.

i unknowingly took my toddler to the museum with a shirt pocket full of scrambled eggs

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) July 15, 2021

27.

Trying to fall back to sleep after a near heart attack from what I thought was asleep paralysis demon but was actually my child staring me down in the dark whispering “mommy” until I woke up pic.twitter.com/NcNP1kaWoS

— ✨Steph✨ (@Steph_I_Will) June 28, 2021

28.

my son spilled spaghetti sauce between the couch cushions, and immediately said “I guess it’s the Marinara Trench now” and I have tears of joy

— Naître D ☕️ 🧙‍♂️ (@perlhack) July 11, 2021

29.

My kid addressed my boyfriend as “big sexy beard man” and I felt like I should reprimand him for not being respectful but unfortunately I was laughing too hard

— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) July 1, 2021

30.

My daughter named one of her barbies CATEGORY

— Meena Harris (@meena) July 21, 2021

31.

I’m not sure how well my kid brushes his teeth but at least I never have to worry about the bathroom sink getting cavities.

— Jane, actually. (@MaidOfBeans) July 28, 2021

32.

My kids love playing pretend. My 9yo pretends to be a dinosaur and my 13yo pretends she doesn’t know us.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 3, 2021

33.

To whoever came up with the phrase “kids keep you young” – I’d like to see the science behind this nonsense please

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 6, 2021

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