Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
We regret to inform readers in the UK that this weekend is the standard length of two days. We know, we know. Disappointing. But at least there’s still plenty of time to relax and read the best tweets we’ve spotted over the past seven days.
Give your favourites a follow and a retweet.
1.
I am no mariner, but I have concerns over the design of Helensburgh’s new Atlantic 85 B-class lifeboat. pic.twitter.com/5eQ6Tqx4Tb
— Angry People in Local Newspapers (@angrypiln) May 10, 2023
2.
Before you masturbate..just know that millions of angels are looking at you pic.twitter.com/4BW3PtDjIQ
— Jack the KING (@muema626) May 8, 2023
3.
Allergy season presents a great opportunity to see what your car would look like if it was painted greenish-yellow.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 9, 2023
4.
Inside of Schrodinger there is one wolf in a superposition of two states
— Fresh Lettuce (@newLettuce) May 9, 2023
5.
This painting is titled: HE BROUGHT ME BACK A SALAD INSTEAD OF PIZZA WHEN I CLEARLY ASKED FOR A SALAD pic.twitter.com/DwPubPz3DX
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) May 10, 2023
6.
7.
hotel guest: what room am I in?
me: this is the lobby
manager: can I talk to you
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) May 11, 2023
8.
I'm not saying I was a gullible child but my sister once gave me a pair of scissors and said our grandma needed me to trim the carpet in her bedroom.
— Ⓜ️isterD (@MisterD78UK) May 9, 2023
9.
I need to stop saying "oppa gagnam style!" to fill in awkward pauses in conversation
— Jono (@whoinvitedjon) May 10, 2023
10.
my bf who has had a full beard for as long as I’ve known him shaved it off to ‘sexy vague stubble’ tonight and his iPhone Face ID still went ‘sure it’s clearly yourself on you go’ and mine like clockwork every morning goes ‘LOL who the fuck is this troll passcode pls’
— Sorcha Ní Nia (@Luiseach) May 7, 2023
11.
If I weren’t supposed to bring my cat, the wedding invite would say that, right?
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) May 7, 2023
12.
My wife thinks it’s weird how much I stare at my phone now but it was probably even weirder when I was a kid just staring at the landline all day
— zach reinert (@zachreinert0) May 9, 2023
