Our favourite festive and funny Christmas jokes from 2023 – Part 2
Welcome to the second part of our round-up of Christmas-themed jokes from the platform formerly known as Twitter – and still known as Twitter, because – let’s face it – some of us still call a Snickers ‘a Marathon’ and Oil of Olay ‘Oil of Ulay’. The cogs of change turn slowly in some brains.
We hope you enjoy these festive funnies while you’re sipping your egg nog, or egg-plant nog if you happen to be vegan.
1.
I never realized how creative I was until I had to come up with all these excuses about why the elves didn’t move last night.
— Dad Named Matt (@mahnamematt) December 12, 2023
2.
guy about to write “12 days of christmas:” help i need last minute gifts!
bird keeper: ok hear me out
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) December 6, 2023
3.
As I sit here with a log crackling in the fireplace, absentmindedly stroking the dog's head, my eyes are drawn to the handmade stockings hanging from the mantel, then to the tree, with its myriad sparkling lights, and I think to myself, boy, would my rabbi be disappointed in me.
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) December 14, 2023
4.
The Grinch: I'm not a fan of the materialism of Christmas
An entire town for some reason: I hope he dies alone
— brandAn is good (@LeBearGirdle) December 10, 2023
5.
Kids on their way to touch the presents under the tree after their mum told them not to pic.twitter.com/TKGE79lnRU
— Gwdihŵ (@youwouldknow) December 14, 2023
6.
My grandad’s battalion avoided capture in Norway by disguising themselves as Christmas trees – they were all highly decorated.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) December 3, 2023
7.
That's too many Christmas cards. pic.twitter.com/UX6xKV4CKo
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) December 12, 2023
8.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave,
when last year's Christmas lights we try to retrieve— Craig Deeley ️ (@craiguito) November 27, 2023
9.
Asked my 6-year-old what she wants for Christmas and she said "a toy chicken that's taller than Anthony" so now I can't even finish my shopping until I track down this Anthony and find out how tall he is. Why can't she just want a bike?
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 12, 2023
10.
If true crime podcasts have taught me anything, it’s that serial killers are often described as: charismatic, grandiose, mobile, antisocial and sometimes can be known to live off the grid….
Yeah, I’m looking at you, Santa— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) December 11, 2023
11.
There are Christmas jumpers and then there are Christmas jumpers…#DieHard pic.twitter.com/13mIHnlrtU
— James Dyer (@jamescdyer) December 12, 2023
12.
CHRISTMAS FACT:
Baby Jesus actually received two blocks of gold on his birth, making him the first child in history to have an Au pair.— Paul Eggleston (@pauleggleston) November 27, 2023
13.
Christmas cards are like, here’s a hard copy of the Facebook picture I posted a week ago.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 11, 2023
14.
ONE OF THE KIDS REPLACED AN EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLL IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 6, 2023
15.
On Christmas Day, both wings of the Tory party will stop the infighting, put down their weapons and come together to spend the day popping people's footballs.
— Neil Gibbons (@neilgibbons) December 12, 2023
