Our favourite festive and funny Christmas jokes from 2023 – Part 2
16.
You know he’s getting all festive when my husband says his annual “Don’t get me anything for Christmas. I don’t want anything.”
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) December 3, 2023
17.
Get revenge on your wife this Christmas by taking her to 7 pubs without buying a drink before returning to the first one.
— Marty Lawrence (@TeaAndCopy) December 11, 2023
18.
I saw mummy kissing Santa Clause now they’re going to bed and my stomach is sick and it’s all in my head but she’s touching his chest now
— bettie (@frankenquine) December 3, 2023
19.
I hate being enclosed in a Santa outfit. I get terribly claustrophobic.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) December 12, 2023
20.
Most people leave Santa milk and cookies but I will be leaving him a delicious risotto
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) December 10, 2023
21.
My wife texted me that she wanted a new diamond wedding ring for Christmas and I told her that’s a funny way to spell vacuum cleaner so if y’all don’t hear from me later just know i lived a good life.
— Dad Named Matt (@mahnamematt) December 11, 2023
22.
*a stable in Bethlehem 25th December*
“I bring you fun”
“I bring you sunshine”
“I bring you love”
– The Three Morecambe & Wise Men.
— Festive Flups (@TheRealFlups) December 5, 2023
23.
I run a 90s dance night down our local club. We have a strict ‘No festive tunes’ policy.
At Christmas time, we let in Deee-Lite, and we banish Slade.
— Neil (@_Enanem_) December 5, 2023
24.
It's a little known fact that back in the old days girls would celebrate #Christmas by holding on to two friends. pic.twitter.com/QwAacjzZ6Y
— Orkney Library (@OrkneyLibrary) December 11, 2023
25.
Imagine if you were Mariah Carey’s boyfriend, getting her nothing for Christmas and saying “I thought it was just me you wanted”. They would find your remains being eaten by crows in a field near her house.
— Jason (@NickMotown) December 4, 2023
26.
what lovely greetings you have… it'd be a shame if someone were to… season them
— reni reindeer (@reniadeb) December 13, 2023
27.
[High Performance Podcast]
Santa: y'know how long it takes to make a list of every child in the world? And y'know what I do when I finish the list?
Jake Humphrey: *nodding* deliver the presents
Santa: *shaking his head* check it twice mate
Jake: *grinning* fucking hell
— Ross Sayers (@Sayers33) December 17, 2023
28.
If you can't hide a Christmas crime scene, just pretend you're a victim. pic.twitter.com/DP9M6Sbpk5
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) December 11, 2023
29.
Facetiming with the In-Laws on Christmas Eve. pic.twitter.com/CPNp9hiBmb
— Mike Stuchbery (@MikeStuchbery_) December 18, 2023
30.
Told the kids that Santa is Turkish, possibly of Syrian descent, and therefore won’t be allowed to stop here this year, but they might be able to collect their presents from a distribution centre in Rwanda, although at the moment the chances of any reindeer taking off are nil.
— Brendan May (@bmay) December 17, 2023
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Festive and Funny – Our Fave Christmas Jokes from 2023 – Part 1
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