Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week
It’s Friday again. We wish we knew what makes this keep happening, so we could make it happen faster, but – alas – we’re not there yet.
As ever, we’ve been trawling – not trolling – Twitter/X, and we’ve rustled up some great posts from the funny lot that are still using the site before Musk explodes it like a SpaceX rocket.
If you find something you like, please share it.
1.
Hotels: We have two thicknesses of pillows, monster truck tire or placemat.
— KissMyAxeRack (@KissMyAxeRack) March 6, 2025
2.
Just watched a drunk fella go into the train toilet and as the automatic door opened for him, he declared “Tonight Matthew”
— shiner_sam (@shiner_sam) March 1, 2025
3.
Absolutely amazing find in the garden centre, expecting a puppy around September time. Stay tuned. pic.twitter.com/4f1gzjJBjU
— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) March 2, 2025
4.
One valuable thing I've learned from TV: If you get shot and then fall off a cliff into rushing water, you have exactly a 100% chance of surviving.
— Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc (@JasonKPargin) March 1, 2025
5.
they didn't aim very well then did they pic.twitter.com/9q8QhupXes
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 4, 2025
6.
In the pub last night a sign said "Toilets are strictly for the customers." Sure enough i went in and was forced to dance with Oti Mabuse."
— Paul Sinha (@paulybengali) March 2, 2025
7.
The only things preventing me from living out the truest form of my life are capitalism and lactose intolerance
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) March 5, 2025
8.
I win Connect 4 pic.twitter.com/xbf7EW477Y
— Battery Voltas (@BatteryVoltas) February 28, 2025
9.
Me: Can you give me a quote?
Plumber: Romeo Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?
Me: Thanks.— Michael Rosen NICE 爷爷 (@MichaelRosenYes) March 3, 2025
10.
Hello 911? My millennial coworker just told me they thought I would be great friends with their mom.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) March 6, 2025
11.
Liz Truss 'very relieved' to find she won't have to spell
'Febuary' for another year.— Florence Lox (@floboflo) March 1, 2025
12.
Pray for my 4yo. Nothing’s wrong with him he just learned that dinosaurs are extinct.
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) March 6, 2025