Holy smoke, these 32 funny posts about the Papal Conclave are good
After one day in conclave, the cardinals of the Catholic Church have yet to elect a new pope to replace Francis I, who died last month – or, technically, Benedict XVI, who hasn’t been tempted out of retirement for another shot in the red shoes.
BREAKING: No Pope has been chosen today as Black Smoke billows from the Sistine Chapel.
A second vote will take place tomorrow morning.
HINT: It won't be Donald Trump! pic.twitter.com/ot36Fw6LtU
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) May 7, 2025
The most influential position in the Christian world remains open, although the shortlist has been closed to new applicants – in case you were getting ideas.
Millions have been glued to live feeds of the Sistine Chapel, and not even the whole building – just the chimney, waiting for that all-important black or white smoke to emerge.
It seems that almost as many people have been online, making jokes about the Papal Conclave, so we gathered a few favourites.
1.
After a gruelling bootcamp 133 Cardinals have made it through to judges houses. There they will compete to see who will make it to the live shows. Louis for the Over 25’s, Simon also for the Over 25’s and Dannii Minogue for the groups (all of whom are over 25).
— Michael Fry (@BigDirtyFry) May 7, 2025
2.
Weirdest Big Brother episode ever. pic.twitter.com/twFFfgTzij
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) May 7, 2025
3.
Cutting off phone signal to the Vatican seems excessive. Are they worried the Cardinals might stick a quick bet on Paddy Power before deciding?
— Maïa Dunphy (@MaiaDunphy) May 7, 2025
4.
the one time I make the conclave and they put me in the group of death
— David O'Doherty (@phlaimeaux) May 7, 2025
5.
LET'S GET READY TO CONCLAVE! pic.twitter.com/3N9XyZKdha
— Franklin Leonard (@franklinleonard) May 7, 2025
6.
It's starting: this morning every cardinal in Rome was overheard humming "I Hope I Get It" from Chorus Line pic.twitter.com/9vaRCGaGks
— Paul Rudnick (@PaulRudnickNY) April 27, 2025
7.
BOROWITZ: Trump Claims Papal Conclave is Rigged Against Him
— scha·den·freu·de (@BlisterPearl) May 6, 2025
8.
The reason conclaves are so hard to predict is that *checks Wikipedia* cardinal males are extremely territorial and will aggressively attack any perceived intruders
— Aelfred The Great (@aelfred_D) April 30, 2025
9.
Surely everyone born in the Vatican should have the right to vote for its head of state
— Dr Francis Young (@DrFrancisYoung) May 7, 2025
10.
I need round the clock electoral coverage of the conclave. I need graphs and charts. I need a bunch of guys with glasses just saying shit that will be proven so wrong. NYT interviews with cardinals in a rural Iowa diner
— holden m. accountable (@noahpasaran) May 6, 2025
11.
It’s that day. pic.twitter.com/YR2MV4lcuw
— Love, Danny (@DannyWxo) May 7, 2025
12.
Conclave (2024) vs. conclave (2025) pic.twitter.com/cuFR4L2Dex
— Pope Crave (@ClubConcrave) May 7, 2025
13.
do you think the cardinals watched conclave together and were pointing at the screen going 'that one's you'
— jelly bean ✨ (@shecononmyclave) May 7, 2025
14.
#conclave pic.twitter.com/colZ6olgxu
— Colin the Dachshund (@DachshundColin) April 21, 2025
15.
I don’t like the news outlining how the Papal Conclave works. No reason for Baptists or Methodists to be knowing about that.
— one dozen rats at a keyboard (@PanasonicDX4500) May 7, 2025
16.
if i were a cardinal i'd really drag out the conclave so i could hang out with all my friends for longer
— Liz Charboneau (@lizchar) May 7, 2025