‘What’s the most British argument you’ve ever overheard?’ – 23 reassuringly ridiculous disagreements from the UK

While we may not have the kind of stiff upper lips we used to in days gone by, there’s no doubt that British people still retain a bit of the restraint and composure that has long been associated with us. And that even extends to when we have a bit of a falling out.

Over on the AskUK subreddit, user MeetingDangerous7022 asked ‘What’s the most British argument you’ve ever overheard?’ and followed it up with this example:

Heard two lads nearly come to blows over whether putting the kettle on counts as ‘doing something about the situation’. Neither backed down. Peak diplomacy, zero resolution. What gems have you witnessed?

Plenty of people wanted to chip in with arguments so strongly UK-coded you could use them to prise the lid off an old tin of treacle.

1.

‘Some people down the road from me a few years ago were having a full blown domestic, police involved separating them, she yells (imagine it in the language of savage) ‘It’s because he! He ate my f#*king yogurt! The last f#*king yogurt!’. He then chimes in ‘It was a f#*king strawberry yogurt, you didn’t have to smash the TV remote over me head you stupid c#nt!’.

At this point she loses it starts struggling with the police to get at him screaming ‘IT WAS F#*KING CHERRY!!’ and then she gets hauled off to a police car. I didn’t think yogurt provoked such extreme reactions at 2am in the morning.’
–psychopathic_shark

2.

‘My posh neighbours had a domestic that originated with tea brands and then as the husband was getting arrested he started shouting at the police officers and his wife scalded him saying that ‘arrest is not due cause for lack of decorum’ and he then apologised for his lack of manners and got into the police car quietly.’
–Milam1996

3.

‘Once heard a row about how you pronounce ‘book’ – is it ‘buck’ or ‘bewk’. It ended with the line: ‘How would you know anyway, you can’t read!”
–Greendeco13

4.

‘We have an increasingly passive-aggressive war on whether its OK to microwave fish in the work microwaves. The tutting is getting out of hand and the passive-aggressive questions about ‘Appropriate Lunch’ has amused me for weeks.’
–No_Direction_4566

5.

‘Once on a packed train I sat down next to a guy by a four seat table. I realised too late that there was something a bit off with him. He started arguing with the slightly older man sat opposite him, I can’t even remember what about but something trivial like a lack of leg space.

It ended with the guy next to me punching the man opposite in the face, without much force as the table was in the way, and the man opposite just went ‘Now really there is NO need for that…!’ and then there was some huffing and newspaper flicking and the argument fizzled.’
–rubys_arms

6.

‘Was on the bus a year or two ago. Two girls in trackies, sounding chavy as anything were arguing (debating) about the use of hydrogen fuel and if nuclear fusion is feasible. It was getting quite heated though. Yet, this wasn’t just surface level, they were getting quite scientifically technical. Then they get off in your average shitty council-house housing estate.’
–CazT91

7.

‘Not an argument, per se, but completely genuine and overheard in Aldi:

‘Oh y’alright mate?’ – ‘yeah mate I’m alright, are you?’ – ‘yeah mate I’m alright, you alright though?’ – ‘yes mate I’m alright, you are alright though yeah?’ – ‘yeah I’m alright mate. How’s it going?’

It continued, but I left the aisle, my eye twitching.’
–Comfortable-Ladder11

8.

”NO SHARON, I WILL BRING THE HORS D’OEUVRES!’ The only bit I managed to catch of a very heated argument in the park.’
–Mediocre_Sprinkles

9.

‘I was in a supermarket getting some last minute supplies for Christmas. There was a couple in the fruit and veg aisle arguing about something. All I heard was ‘But we already have one persimmon’. You get all sorts when Morrisons is the only supermarket in town.’
–mhoulden

10.

‘A guy forgot to fill the kettle up after using all the boiled water. His mate was ready to spark everyone out right there and then, started cussing for a whole 15 minutes calling everybody a c**t. I was in tears of laughter.’
–KREIST23

11.

‘Just yesterday: ‘Is this the queue for booking into A&E reception or is it the queue for speaking with the triage nurse?’ Two people entirely disagreed and refused to back down, then it was settled by a member of staff asking if anyone hadn’t booked in yet in the triage queue. Everyone was friends again.

Arguing over queuing is quintessentially British.’
–Dduwies_Gymreig

12.

‘Whether supermarket trollies should adhere to the rules of the road. So everyone has to keep to slightly to the left of the middle of the aisle, and when you find what you’re after, you ‘pull over’ and park up next to it.’
–kitjen