‘What’s an everyday item that you call by a stupid name?’ – 21 things re-christened in ingeniously imaginative ways

Do you know anyone who calls the TV remote ‘the TV remote’? Probably not, it’s more likely to be the gizmo or the doofer or the zapper. And giving things silly names is not limited to the ‘the buttons’ either, as user franki-pinks found out when they posted the following on the AskUK subreddit:

What’s an everyday item that you call by a stupid name? Me and my husband call our Tesco club cards ‘savey save fucky fuck’ cards after Bill Burr called them that.

And lots of people had examples of the things they have re-titled in utterly ludicrous ways, like these…

1.

‘Socktopus – the multi-legged drying hanger for socks and underwear.’
–Ok-You4214

2.

‘We have a biscuit tin, with illustrated Geese on it. We call it ‘dis goose tin’ pronounced like the disgusting from the infamous Cher Lloyd by Cher LLoyd early internet classic meme.’
–thefuturesbeensold

3.

‘A while back I couldn’t place the word colander, so instead said ‘Hole Bowl’. It’s fewer syllables and more descriptive.’
–click1850

4.

‘I call a staple remover a ‘clahumpaheimer’. A lady in my office in my first job called it that and I’m stuck with it.’
–Circumambulator

5.

‘Spaghetti hoops have just been christened circle beans by my 3 year-old grandson. From this moment forth will they ever be known as circle beans.’
–James_White21

6.

‘Tumble Dryer = Tumblé Dryer (pronounced like crème brûlée).’
–xafda213

7.

‘My dad calls the dishwasher the wishdosher.’
–JennyW93

8.

‘I called the washing machine and spinny wet and tumble dryer spinny dry.’
–slasher2808

9.

‘My family call the duster with a really long handle ‘the cat on a stick’.’
–SaltyMarieLast

‘My husband’s family call it the ‘frilly willy’ which I have fully adopted.’
–Difficult_Egg_4350

10.

Knife and Fork = Scran Spanners.
Fresh-Pineapple-5582

11.

‘Medjool dates are known in our household as ‘Me Julies’ in the voice of Ali G.’
–pasteurs-maxim