Somebody asked what Oatly should be called now it’s not allowed to be ‘milk’ anymore – 22 legen-dairy ideas

A couple of years ago pub-bore-turned-politician Nigel Farage, always keen to start another culture war over nothing, posted a video on TikTok bemoaning the ‘left wing options’ he was offered to pour in his coffee at a hotel. Who knew dairy was innately conservative? Does that mean lactose intolerance is Marxist?

But we digress. We mention it because this week the UK supreme court has ruled that Swedish-based drinks manufacturer Oatly has been banned from describing its product as ‘milk’.

Nigel took the news in as humble and magnanimous a manner as you’d expect…

When I first made this TikTok video in 2024 you all laughed at me.

Well, today the Supreme Court has ruled that ‘oat milk’ can no longer be called milk.

You’re not laughing now are you! pic.twitter.com/WFQaEgNulO

— Nigel Farage MP (@Nigel_Farage) February 11, 2026

And it’s not just him whose interest this news has caught. Over on the CasualUK subreddit user smileylinzi posted this:

Oatly’s not allowed to call itself a plant-based ‘milk’ in the UK anymore. CasualUK, do your thing. Whats a better word?

And lots of people chimed in with their a-moo-sing ideas, like these…

1.

”I can’t believe it’s not milk’. Does that work?’
–Spattzzzzz

2.

”Not milk, but of that ilk!”
–Yorksjim

3.

‘I’d call it oat juice. And then re-label all the milk as ‘Cow oat juice’.’
–FjortoftsAirplane

4.

‘Pasteurised oat blood.’
–iCowboy

5.

‘Very very very thin porridge.’
–CaptainOzz

6.

‘Milk Style Drinking Liquid.’
–WelcomeToLadyHell

7.

‘Hot beverage whitener.’
–pattybutty

8.

‘Lactain’t.’
–Consistent-Cap-9360

9.

‘I’m struggling for this one, but firmly believe Almond Milk should be renamed Nut Juice.’
–sleepunderthestars

10.

‘Somehow no-one gets their knickers in a twist over coconut milk, even though last time I checked it doesn’t come from coconut nipples.’
–VociferousHomunculus

11.

‘Oat Filk. Oat ‘milk’.. Oat we can’t call it milk but everyone calls it milk. Oat ‘oh fuck off dairy industry’.’
–TheMarsters

12.

‘We keep Oat Milk as Oat Milk, but we rebrand Milk as Beef Milk.’
–OldKingClancey