Poor people who have dated rich people, what did you learn? – 17 lessons on how the other half live

Dating is a brilliant way to get out and meet new people. And this often involves encountering people who are very different from you.

Wealth is one of the biggest divides when it comes to dating, but there are lessons to be learnt from these experiences. Angelus12345678 wanted to hear about them, so they put the following question to r/AskReddit:

‘Poor people who have dated rich people, what did you learn?’

Here are the top answers from the front line of dating…

1.

‘One thing I noticed dating someone wealthier than me is how different the cost of mistakes is.

‘When you’re broke or close to it, every decision has to be pretty calculated. A bad car purchase, a broken appliance, an unexpected medical bill, even a bad semester in school can ripple through your life for years. When someone has money behind them (or family that does), mistakes are more like inconveniences than disasters. They can change majors, quit a job, start a business that fails, move cities, whatever… and the floor is still there.

‘It wasn’t that they were irresponsible or bad people. It’s just that the risk profile of their life was completely different, and that shapes how you think about everything from careers to relationships to taking chances.

‘This is probably the biggest less talked about reason people stay middle class or poor. It’s daunting to take a big swing when the cost of missing is bankruptcy or homelessness. Best just keep going to work every day.’
-flyguy42

2.

‘When I first dated my (now) wife, she was all “Oh… I grew up middle class too!” As we continued dating I found out her father’s hobby was collecting Lotuses (Loti?). As in, the car brand Lotus. He used to buy one every year on European trips as a way of getting around, then have them shipped back home. I then realized that “middle class” in La Jolla California is VERY different than middle class in Philadelphia.’
-The_Birds_171

3.

‘My girlfriend’s parents are rich. Much richer than me.

‘I’ve learned that offering to pay for our meals when we go out seems to mean a lot to them. They can afford restaurants that would make my wallet catch fire, but if my girlfriend and I invite them to some modest place and offer to pay, it seems to warm their hearts. I think they are used to having others expect them to foot the dinner bill, so just the gesture alone seems to make them happy. It’s an easy way to reflect some gratitude towards them for all their generosity otherwise.

‘Also, since they can afford whatever they want, we’ve discovered that unique homemade or sentimental gifts really stand out to them at Christmas or on birthdays.

‘For example, they paid for a big family cruise last year. So for Christmas, we compiled all the photos and printed them out and put them in a nice photo album. We also included some homemade coupons for a variety of quality time activities (Hiking, going to the movies, going to the zoo, making them dinner, etc.)

‘I think our gift brought a tear to their eye. They seemed to be incredibly touched by it.

‘I guess what I’m saying is that although I can’t connect with them on a financial level, I can still connect with them on other levels that they seem to appreciate.’
-silvasaurus

4.

‘Not exactly what you asked, but here’s my story. I grew up capital P Poor. Living in the slums, food stamps that ran out before the end of the month, drug addict parents POOR. My high school boyfriend had 2 working parents, they owned a modest home, solid middle class.

‘Starting to spend time with him at home was life changing. I would go over after school to hang out and his mom would come home from work with a single bag of groceries from the ‘fancy’ store in town, not from Walmart. On a random Wednesday in the middle of the month! She just bought what she needed! Grocery shopping in my life had always been a cab ride to Walmart on the 1st, fill the entire cart and then that’s it. You run out, too bad. The money is gone.

‘It blew my mind and literally became my adult life goal. To be able to go grab the ingredients I needed on any given day from the ‘fancy’ store. The first time I realized I was doing it a few years later I cried in the middle of the store I was so happy.

‘I also came over one day and she had redecorated the bathroom with pretty new towels and little decor items in a new color. JUST BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO!’
-TrippleDubbs

5.

‘That everyone has problems. And if you don’t have enough you make them up.’
-NewYorkRackSchedule

6.

‘I was the +1 for a past girlfriend to a wedding out on the cape one time. At the rehearsal dinner I was alone while she was taking pictures. During conversation I was asked what high-school I went to. I said “uhh Washington…” and then came to realize all these people go to boarding schools starting at a very young age. It’s not just a thing from the movies. The rich get sent away for school before college. Blew my mind and made me feel very poor.’
-LieutenantTim

7.

‘Was married to a guy from a rich family. Not “old money” wealth” but newly rich.

‘They always assumed I was scheming to get their money. Which I was not. They also assumed I was low-class and poor. I happened to be poor at the time I was dating their son but my family was blue-collar middle class; they started poor and moved up much like my (ex) husband’s parents did. So their attitude towards me was just mystifying. They really weren’t that different from my family except my family did not revere wealth like they did. My family was charitable. I don’t think they could wrap their heads around NOT wanting to be rich.’
-smibbo

8.

‘My BF chooses food based on what he feels like eating.

‘I choose food based on what will go bad first.’
-Fun_in_Space

9.

‘Honestly, I learned that money can make life more comfortable, but it doesn’t automatically make someone emotionally available, kind, or self-aware. The lifestyle differences were interesting, but what really mattered was how we treated each other behind closed doors.’
-No_Fly1500