An American asked to be ‘well versed in British insults’ and these magnificent homegrown responses will make you proud to be a Brit
13.
part four (soz ):
i wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire
you’re about as useful as the ueue in the word queue
you’re a couple of spanners short of a toolkit
cretin (absolute cretin)
you make a great window
silly cow
you lanky streak of pissgoodness me https://t.co/14BzAXsGrw
— leigh♡⋆.˚ (@seungbingrly) April 19, 2026
14.
Yer Da sells Avon.
— John Toner (@JohnTon09053135) April 18, 2026
15.
I bet you do, you dirty old bollocks.
— Michael Glasper (@MichaelCGlasper) April 19, 2026
16.
YOU SLAAAAAAAG
— Salvatore Linteum (@PhantomBlack699) April 18, 2026
17.
Tosspot
Bellend
Arsehole
Twat
WankerAdd complete, utter, absolute or irredeemable before any of the above. You will get fairly far using this formula.
— (@Nyct0phil3_x) April 18, 2026
18.
The beauty of british insults is that anything can be an insult, so long as you add “absolute”, “complete”, and/or “utter” before it. Example: oh piss off, you complete and utter door handle
— lilac (@lilac_whine) April 18, 2026
19.
Sausage.
Plonker.
Muppet.
Melt.
Knob’ead.
C U Next Tuesday.
Wanker.
Twat. (not pronounced like twot)Adding absolute, dopey, complete or utter before most of them is encouraged.
— Horseface (@tesd84) April 18, 2026
20.
Starting off strong with cunt, wasteman, tosser, twat, twit, git, jezebel, dafty, berk, muppet, bellend, prick, nause, belter, pillock, minger, knobhead, wanker, munter, scrubber, dipstick, gobshite, cheeky sod..
— Lib (@ljs69_) April 18, 2026
21.
fuck off ye wee jammy dodger cunt
— DJ Lippy (@JocastaMoney) April 18, 2026
22.
absolute fucking reprobate septic tank cunt dingaling roaster of the highest order
— Bodie Satva (@themopinomicon) April 18, 2026
23.
“You absolute sandwich” (replace sandwich with literally any neutral non derogatory noun – you absolute carburettor, you absolute teaspoon, you absolute onion) https://t.co/DzeZySnP1t
— Hashashin (@HashashinTag) April 18, 2026
And it that little lot still wasn’t enough …
Some famous British insults for your listening pleasure. https://t.co/HyANsJhB6O pic.twitter.com/UBwkHozR0H
— Uncle Ruckus (@Emarged) April 18, 2026