People have been sharing the hilarious ‘fake British sayings’ they casually slip into conversation and these 17 are simply magnificent
It all started when comedian Stuart Laws shared on Twitter the ‘fake British sayings and words’ he’s been slipping into conversation with his American partner.
I’ve been casually slipping in fake British sayings and words into conversation with my American partner – here’s the one’s she believes:
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
“That’s greased the grouse” – something inexplicable, unattainable – a greased up grouse is difficult to catch
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
“Scones or bones?” – you want a treat or to be killed? – inspired by the saying “you get more flies with honey than vinegar”
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
“Winkmeyer” – a piece of castle architecture – no idea why this one got said
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
“A goose in ya shoes” – a pep in your step – I said this one is Scottish and shoes would be pronounced as close to goose as the accent would allow
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
“Ham on that ass” – put a pig on a donkey, i.e. to do a pointless thing – this one was close, she pointed out we don’t say ass before I said it was about a donkey
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
“Plump for a bimble” – to choose to go for a stroll – she now says this one herself and it sounds wild in an American accent
— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) April 22, 2026
We were already laughing – check out Stewart’s up-coming live dates here – but what made it even better was that basically everyone else joined in with their own ‘fake British’ efforts and it became nothing short of a thing of wonder.
1.
Can’t piss in the sink if it’s full of teabags
— Dalek Sex (@TheVoiceOfSex) April 22, 2026
2.
Red sky at night, shepherds delight.
Blue sky at night,day.— David Bowe (@DavidBoweEire) April 22, 2026
3.
Can’t make big chips with small potatoes
— Colin Noble (@oncewassven) April 22, 2026
4.
“we’re not here to fuck spiders”
— jchoop.hl (@jchoop) April 22, 2026
5.
“That’s put some gruel in the loom.” – similar to a spanner in the works, but from the early industrial revolution.
— Colin the Dachshund (@DachshundColin) April 22, 2026
6.
No pockets in shrouds – is a favourite of my mums, meaning you might as well enjoy what money you’ve made now as it will be no good to you when your dead
— Christopher Lupine (@LupineLives) April 22, 2026
7.
One I actually use is “They’re trying to rice your roast”
It’s after a friend went to another friends house for a roast dinner and they’d substituted the mash for plain boiled rice.It basically means that someone is out to damage you
— hacky sack (@h4ckys4ck) April 22, 2026
8.
“As easy as plaiting piss” – not possible to achieve
— Nick Almond (@DrNickA) April 22, 2026