People have been sharing their favourite ‘fake British sayings’ they casually slip into conversation and these 17 are simply magnificent
9.
“This is dragging like a seal’s ring-piece”
Say that at least once a day at work.— Phil (@PhilAkaDirk) April 22, 2026
10.
“An owl in a sack troubles no man” and “The hand that wears the boxing glove cannot lift the vol -au-vent to the lips”. Entries in a New Statesman competition to devise meaningless proverbs.
— Gwyn Meredith (@GwynMeredith201) April 22, 2026
11.
I’ve used ‘you can’t smell the cheese while a wallaby is watching’ in conversation.
— the3ggmaster (@theeggmaster) April 22, 2026
12.
Tickling half a Victoria sponge won’t make the sap rise.
— The Lord of Lard. (@bwj123penne) April 22, 2026
13.
“It’s like having a dog and barking yourself”
— Garry White (@LWOSGarryWhite) April 22, 2026
14.
Can’t wash a window with a spade
— Joe Mcdonald (@JoeMcdonald1980) April 22, 2026
15.
“You’ve gone Camembert over Stilton”
Duality of meaning – either you’ve clearly made the wrong choice… or you’ve fallen over.
— Will Viles (@willviles) April 22, 2026
16.
My mom (Black Country) was full of bizarre sayings. A particular favourite was “if I was that ugly, I’d paint my arse white and walk on my hands”.
— Sarah Hunt (@sarahhuntantiq) April 22, 2026
17.
If brains were made of dynamite, you couldn’t blow your own hat off.
— Caroline (@Carolin88790634) April 22, 2026
We’re very much with this person.
This thread will brighten your day. Recommended. https://t.co/2E6dcz5zTm
— Greg Stone 🔶 (@gm_stone) April 22, 2026
More Stuart Laws here and on Twitter here.
And finally, find out more about his live show, Stuart Laws Is Stuck, ‘a comedy-murder-mystery (with puffins)’ in London at the end of May!
Source @thisstuartlaws