‘What is your answer when asked to share a fact about yourself in a team building exercise?’ – 21 professional-level sarcastic comebacks

Everybody hates team building exercises, right? And yet they’re an inescapable part of many workplaces, so they must be good for our continuing professional development, mustn’t they?

Or perhaps our bosses just hate us and like to make us squirm. It’s hard to say.

They’ve been discussing the best way to deal with these cringe-inducing events on the AskUK subreddit after jshcfc asked this:

What is your answer in a team building exercise when asked to share a fun fact about yourself?

I reckon the Brits have had some fantastic answers over the years with our wit and dry sense of humour.

And they were right. Check out these comebacks from people who should be made CEO of Sarcasm or COO of Surprise…

1.

‘The last three places I worked burnt down.’
–Sam-Lowry27B-6

2.

‘”I sometimes lie when I’m under stress. I’m looking forward to the rest of this exercise.”‘
–mhoulden

3.

‘Chico from X Factor sang happy birthday to me one night in a park, but I was utterly trashed from underage drinking (was 14) and terrified he would report me to the police. I cried.’
–crgoodw

4.

‘I used to be a wrestler. (I’m a 5ft “bubbly”, chubby middle aged woman who smiles all the time: no one ever believes me).’

5.

‘I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again.’
–Djinjja-Ninja

6.

‘The current King told me I needed a stiff drink. I was 9, at the time.

To be fair, it was a freezing day, and a mug of tea would have been very welcome.’
–TheRealVinosity

7.

‘Princess Anne told me to tie my shoelace once (to be fair I was only 5).’
–peelyon85

8.

‘I am not prepared to share that information with you until I have consulted my lawyer.’
–prustage

9.

‘Funny story: when I was 17 and started a new job, we had a big team building day of everyone who worked in the store (small clothing-retail, about 20 staff). Everyone had to write down their name and a fun fact.

Well, being silly, I decided to write “I’ve been to prison”. I didn’t know at the time but when the managers read this, they apparently all started panicking before realising I was 17 and it probably wasn’t true.’
–notanadultyadult

10.

‘I hate these things so much. I hate everyone else facts too. They’re always either brags (“I’ve travelled to over 100 countries”) or cringe attempts to be funny/twee.

I used to just say “I do stand-up comedy as a side gig/hobby” but it inevitably prompts too many questions and some rube demanding you tell a joke on command (forcing someone to deliver some of their material in that non-stage work environment never pans out…).

So I tend to just say “Romesh Ranganathan taught at my school”. Short and sweet, people know who he is, so you don’t have to explain anything.’
–Carra144

11.

‘Depends on the crowd, if it’s not the time to try and be funny or risqué or anything saying I’ve got one of Winston Churchill’s cigars in the sitting room at home is my go-to.’
–OpeningAtmosphere595