We’ve seen plenty of scary AI stuff but this ‘first assistant that actually gets you’ is totally off the scale terrifying
Just when we’d stopped being terrified by AI for a moment or two along comes something called Orchid, which promotes itself as the ‘first assistant that actually gets you’.
If it’s not immediately apparent what they mean by that, they’ve made a helpful little video – AI, presumably – to explain all. And if it’s not the scariest thing you watch today then, well, we don’t want to see what else is on your watchlist.
Introducing Orchid, the first assistant that actually gets you 🌸 pic.twitter.com/lZsVzEqd7h
— Orchid (@orchid_hq) July 28, 2026
The horror, the horror!
And we reckon these people nail it best.
1.
If i ever get back into dating and discover that someone i thought I’d really clicked with was using an ai assistant to manage our relationship the whole time i would kill myself in a way that redefines how the world thinks of suicide https://t.co/iMC6T4e0jb
— Rita Repulsive (@entheoalchemist) July 29, 2026
2.
hey so this can’t be allowed to ever happen irl https://t.co/V18NVpZE9G
— capricorn cunt 🎀 (@celesitial) July 29, 2026
3.
This is so dystopian. We’re really removing any semblance of human connection and understanding. https://t.co/MS4vbRE3us
— catjeans | Jenna Savage (@catjeans) July 29, 2026
4.
Girl: He’s drinking. Again
Orchid: ugh. laaameee. One sec babes.
Girl: ?
Orchid: just called in a bomb threat to every gas station and liquor store in a 20 mile radius. Now who’s ready for pesto salmon? https://t.co/cjmhi4s6pv
— jake rhodes (@jakebrodes) July 29, 2026
5.
finally… AI for dipshits who suck https://t.co/D5xIAgOxVR
— Joshua Topolsky (@joshuatopolsky) July 28, 2026
6.
Discounting everything else, what an amazing example they chose to showcase their product with. Forgetting your own anniversary. Advertised to adult babies uninterested in the world they live in https://t.co/1gDQHd0taf
— Arsha🐴🎧⚧️ (@theymergirl) July 28, 2026
7.
are you barely a person who doesn’t care about anyone or anything at all? perfect new product for people who suck here https://t.co/sE4hJtkw0K
— onion person (@CantEverDie) July 29, 2026