‘What’s your secret food shame?’ – 21 extremely guilty culinary pleasures

We all know the rules when it comes to eating well: get your five a day (at least), plenty of fibre, high protein, low saturated fats.

And yet it turns out that the most pleasure people get from eating is when they go completely off piste and eat something a bit weird. Or a lot weird.

They’ve been chatting about the guilty pleasures that can be found in the kitchen – or, indeed, the car – after Dismal_Fox_22 asked ‘What’s your secret food shame?’ and admitted their own furtive habits…

When I’ve had to brave doing the weekly food shop I like to treat myself to a sneaky mozzarella. I’ll add an extra mozzarella ball to the shopping get beck to the car, tear it open and pour the brine on the car park floor and then eat the whole thing like an apple. Before I drive home.

I also like to use a tub of Philadelphia as dip for Chilli Heat Wave Doritos or Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations. I had a friend who would squeeze a couple of slices of white bread into a ball and chomp on it too.

Fess up. What are your dirty food crimes?

And people did indeed fess up. Check out these culinary crimes…

1.

‘When the tray that cooked roast potatoes and Yorkshire pudding is left out I eat the oily crunchy bits left.’
–3scap3plan

2.

‘In the supermarket I picked up a four pack of Magnums to take home for the kids. While I was at the till I picked myself up a Twirl. I ate the Twirl on the way to the car, then had a Magnum. Had another Magnum then thought, “I can’t go home with two Magnums”.

So I sat at the end of the street and ate the other two, before stuffing the box deep into the bin on the way into the house. I only live five mins from the supermarket.’
–Mu99az

3.

‘Big bag of Walker’s salt and vinegar crisps with a family size bag of Malteasers and a bag of Randoms poured into them, shaken up. Usually eaten like a goblin crouched behind the tree in my garden so my husband and kid don’t see me necking 8000 calories in one go.’
–PatientPeach3309

4.

‘When I was a child I asked my mum for a snack, and she, in an her exasperated tiredness, gave me a banana and a cheese slice (one of those burger ones). I had mistakenly thought she meant for me to eat them together, and I ate the banana with pieces of cheese on it. I thought it was normal, my brother thought it was normal, everything was fine.

Fast forward to university. I went to get my usual cheese and banana, I went into the living room and started eating my favourite snack. And then my flatmate walked into the room and looked horrified and said “Did you smoke weed?” and I was like uhhh no? And it was there I learnt that cheese and banana is not a common snack.

I later asked my mum about it and she laughed. She said she noticed but I seemed happy so she wasn’t going to say anything. She said she didn’t know she had created a habit I would do for years though.’
–cranelotus

5.

‘Super noodles in a folded slice of bread, mama mia.

Lots of people are replying with ways to make this fancy and gourmet shit and you’re really stripping the shame out of it and if I’m not ashamed, it’s not gonna taste as good.’
–grimaces111111

6.

‘I also do the mozzarella thing, but my real shame is… much darker. I don’t do this often because it’s honestly gluttonous and generally a depression meal for when I need to feel a bit rebellious. And frankly, whenever I do it, I feel vaguely ashamed.

Take bowl. Fill bowl with bombay mix. Take jar of jalepenos. Pour brine into bombay mix bowl, probably like 3-4 shots worth. Toss in a few jalepenos. Stir. Let it get a little bit soggy, let the noodles soak up the brine. Eat with spoon.

I call it Spicy Cereal.’
–WinnebagoMontana

7.

‘You know those hot dogs that come in a glass jar? I regularly buy those and just eat them cold, straight from the jar, as a snack, while wandering about. Been doing it since I was a teenager. They used to sell ’em in Poundland and I’d grab a jar and eat them while wandering round the park with my mates.

20 years on and I’m now a grown man in a business suit eating a jar of hot dogs while wandering around in the park alone. One day I’ll die this way. And I’m fine with that.’
–Crow_eggs

8.

‘Lemons, I’ll peel them and eat them just like any other citrus fruit.’
–Leader_Bee

9.

‘When I was at school, during lunchtime I used to walk to a local bakery and buy two bread rolls, then pick out and eat the middle. Then I used to get some fresh cooked prawns from the fishmonger next door and pour them into the holes in the bread. Used to love those lunches.’
–NightM0de

10.

‘Cauliflower cheese on top of chips. My favorite carb meal on a cold winter’s day. Or any day, really.’
–Tariovic

11.

‘Using peanut butter instead of normal butter when I’m making beans on toast. Another thing I like is a banana and crisp sandwich. The key is to use a banana that’s so black you’d actually be a bit embarrassed if someone saw you eating it (or even considering eating it).

Spread it on toast like butter and then crush some salt and vinegar crisps and sprinkle them on top. I know how both of these things sound, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Trust me.’
–Slobberchops_