A Tory MP said knives should be fitted with GPS to cut crime and these glorious takedowns got straight to the point
A Tory MP has shared his ingenious idea to cut the level of rising knife crime in the UK.
He’s a chap called Scott Mann, the Conservative MP for North Cornwall, and this is his idea.
There are one or two reasons why this might not be the catch-all solution Mr Mann imagines it to be, as these people were only too happy to point out, the most entertaining takedowns you’ll read this week.
1.
There are 66 million people in the UK. If every one of them owns just one knife that’s 66 million knives to keep track of you brain genius how are you an MP.
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 14, 2019
2.
This idea is the law enforcement equivalent of monkey tennis. https://t.co/CBqCxwUBgw
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) March 14, 2019
3.
“There’s been a stabbing”
“Quick, get me the GPS tracking for every knife in a 3 mile radius”
“OK, it says there are 120,000 of them, mostly in kitchens”
“Bollocks, thought we had them then”
“Could ask those young lads with the machete”
“Nah, they’ve got a mackerel, been fishing”— Mike McKinley (@MikeMckinley) March 14, 2019
4.
Have you got much in the way of a plan for how the police monitor the movement of the UK’s, let’s say 300 million knives?
— Tom Peck (@tompeck) March 14, 2019
5.
And we’d better hope the bad guys don’t do anything naughty like, say, forget to charge up their knives at night.
— Tom Peck (@tompeck) March 14, 2019
6.
Think you need a GPS tracker fitted on yourself you absolute weapon.
— Spurs Stat Man (@SpursStatMan) March 14, 2019
7.
I wouldn’t say that
The lad doesn’t sound very
Sharp
— VƎX IS RUNNING D&D (@vexwerewolf) March 14, 2019
8.
Why stop with knives? Let’s install gps trackers on every fork too
— Wild Geerters (@classiclib3ral) March 14, 2019
9.
Can we do the same for teaspoons because I’m forever losing them
— shane telford. (@MrShaneReaction) March 14, 2019
10.
It’s time we restricted knife use to dedicated ‘cutting centres’. You simply turn with the veg you need chopping and either do it yourself at the counter where knives are chained to the desk like bank pens or for a small fee have it done by the one of the on-site ‘knifers’. https://t.co/jA0Nk1Kt2h
— Neil Gibbons (@neilgibbons) March 14, 2019
11.
*going to work as normal, taking cutlery with me for my packed lunch*
Police slam me to the ground, tasering me in the nuts:
“YOU’D BETTER BE FUCKING FISHING, SON OR YOU’RE GETTING LOCKED UP FOR A LONG FUCKIN TIME”— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 14, 2019
12.
An actual MP. I just. I just. I. Am I even alive anymore? https://t.co/7owHEk5NQb
— Tom Peck (@tompeck) March 14, 2019
13.
Hear me out, Scott; listening devices on screwdrivers.
— Jonny Sharples (@JonnyGabriel) March 14, 2019
