Cuts will ensure ‘terrific music from housing estates’

Economic News: “Great tunes ahead,” promised the Chancellor this morning as he hit back at critics of the continued budget cuts, claiming that “the more damage they do to deprived areas of Britain, the more likely they will guarantee a series of brilliant albums by emerging artists.”

“These young people will be thrown on the scrapheap by chronic underfunding,” said Osborne, “from whence their genius will surely shine.”

Insisting that it was ‘traditional’ in Britain for great music to be produced when the country faced difficult times, the Chancellor cited The Smiths, The Specials, and Kajagoogoo – all “great bands” from the “miserable eighties”, when “we moped around in bedsits, warmed our hands on braziers and drank herbal tea.”

“As social funding dries up over the next few months,” Osborne continued, “and neglected regions of the UK become ever more downtrodden and depressed, I – for one – will be looking forward with great anticipation to the ground-breaking music destined to come out of these steadily rotting shitholes.”

FISCAL STIMULUS: To see Osborne’s Topless Pound Coin click here

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