Boris Johnson ‘accidentally’ blows up Parliament

Parliament Newsflash: Boris Johnson, once destined to be remembered only for his hair, is set to supersede the notoriety of Guy Fawkes himself after setting off a stockpile of fireworks which has destroyed the House of Commons.

Boris Johnson 'accidentally' blows up Parliament

Right on the eve of Bonfire Night, the spirit of the Gunpowder Plot has never been more present as an explosion rocked Westminster this morning, destroying the seat of British democracy.

As emergency services, fearing a terrorist attack, scrambled into action, an all together more idiotic picture emerged as the Mayor of London stepped out from the rubble saying “sorry everyone – that might have been me”.

Miraculously, no one was harmed.

While Johnson is now in police custody, insiders report that he had been secretly stockpiling massive amounts of Chinese fireworks in the Commons library for a surprise Conservative Party party tomorrow night.

While checking on his cache, he allegedly dropped the end of a ‘turkish’ cigarette, igniting the fireworks.

The first thing we knew was this incredible racket coming from the thriller section,” George Osborne told journalists.

Then Boris ran out, waving his arms and telling everyone to evacuate. Luckily we had the place cleared before the resulting fire reached the gas boilers. Then came the massive explosion and, sadly, the catastrophic damage you see before you.”

With the political life of the country now on hold and the extent of the destruction inside the building still unclear, much of the focus is on what should happen to the culprit.

Johnson has made a laughing stock of the British political establishment,” said Ed Balls.

The London Mayoral offices have been bombarded with messages of congratulation from terrorist groups around the world. The Real IRA emailed a video of them all doing the conga. Al-Queda have sent him a cake.”

I think he should be jailed. Boris Johnson always said he wanted to make an impact on the political landscape, but this time he’s gone too far.”


Story: Jasper Gibson+Pete Fish

Image: Q4Nobody