“Goldilocks & the Three Bears rewritten for adults” is not something you should EVER read to kids

Author and illustrator David Hughes writes, “Here’s an excerpt from my new book which you probably shouldn’t read to your kids.”

Goldilocks & the Three Bears
Once upon a time, there were four bears who lived in a house in the woods. There was Mama Bear, Papa Bear and two baby bears. The previous summer, however, one of the young bears had gotten their foot caught in a bear trap and slowly bled out in the arms of Papa Bear. So now, in the house in the woods, lived the remaining three bears.

On this particular morning, Mama Bear was busy preparing breakfast for the family. She set the table and called to her husband and son to come join her. Papa Bear noticed that his wife, still grieving from the loss of their child, had set four places at the breakfast table instead of three.

“Christ, Karen. It’s been over a year,” he said, looking blankly through the redundant forth bowl. Mama Bear said nothing. She dragged her feet as she went from bowl to bowl, pouring the porridge for the boys. “What’s this?” asked Papa Bear

“Porridge,” answered Mama Bear.

“Fuck, I can see that, Karen. I’m saying though, we’re bears. We need proper fucken meat and shit,” Papa Bear dunked his huge paw in the porridge and shook his head. “Come on, let’s go get some real food to eat.”

“I think I’ll just wait here,” said Mama Bear, vacantly gazing into her porridge.

“No, we’re doing this as a family. The three of us. Just like old times.”

“But there were four of us in the old times,” interjected Baby Bear. His father clouted him around the ear.

“That’s not helpful, son.”

And so the bears set ofiC into the woods to find something a little more satisfying to eat, when they spotted a young girl with beautiful, golden hair down her back.

“Let’s just eat her,” whispered Baby Bear. Papa Bear looked at his wife, who needed not say a word.

“No, son,” he told Baby Bear, “That’s someone’s daughter. No parent should know what it feels like to lose a child.” Papa Bear took Mama Bear by the paw and gave it a gentle squeeze as she began to gently weep. The three bears continued in their hunt and before long, the young girl was out of sight and the three hungry bears had completely forgotten about her.

Source: https://twitter.com/david8hughes/status/735834443844182016