Just 59 of the very best Victoria Wood quotes
41.
This is my daughter. Born Christmas Eve, so we called her Brenda. pic.twitter.com/EyKNknc0oZ
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 24, 2016
42.
I'm looking for me friend. pic.twitter.com/kBrC0JXPZR
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 1, 2017
43.
You can't have a masseur called Harold. That's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena. pic.twitter.com/p57n5vXajx
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 20, 2017
44.
I never go wild sex-wise anyway because of the greyhound. pic.twitter.com/1m200Y0NQO
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 26, 2017
45.
She claims to be dieting, but every time we have Doh A Deer A Female Deer there's a terrible whiff of pear drops. pic.twitter.com/N4guqD2F7g
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 9, 2017
46.
She's knocking back something out of a bottle, something purple. I think probably meths; I'm guessing not Ribena Toothkind. pic.twitter.com/LMhUUMkc3i
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 8, 2017
47.
Ready to order, sir? Madam? pic.twitter.com/y5tgCWaIqd
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 9, 2016
48.
She never went swimming; she always had her period. In the end they sent someone round from the Guinness Book of Records. pic.twitter.com/Bt7prk1FQA
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 9, 2017
49.
I can't say this often enough. It may be Hamlet, but it's got to be fun, fun, fun! pic.twitter.com/JFOnJLJRVU
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 4, 2017
50.
Pelvic muscles. Very important muscles. They won't help you with giving birth but they might stop you pissing yourself at Christmas. pic.twitter.com/T9EphLH423
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 22, 2016
51.
Doctor Brewster says if I don't keep it lagged for the winter I could be spending a penny every twenty minutes come March. pic.twitter.com/l5lZtZQTOX
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 24, 2017
52.
"Does she like Spain?"
"Well, she likes the majesty and grandeur of the landscape, but she's not too keen on the bacon." pic.twitter.com/0oFFe6ZPR6— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) November 21, 2016
53.
She hadn't changed. New haircut. If it hadn't been bright blue she'd have been a dead ringer for Stanley Matthews. pic.twitter.com/TPF5bYfros
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 9, 2017
54.
Welcome to Music For Posh People, the game that takes all the enjoyment out of listening to music. pic.twitter.com/88W04sqkT4
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) February 15, 2017
55.
I'm learning a language. It's called 'Get By In Flemish'. I'm learning it in case I ever go to Flem. pic.twitter.com/XpkVsxVxEo
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) March 8, 2017
56.
He said, do you want a drink or do you want a kick up the bum with an open toed sandal? I said get you Eamonn Andrews. pic.twitter.com/1NV2K7CcDc
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) January 16, 2017
57.
Her mummy has sent me a picture of Holly-Louise in the garden. I think Mummy must be a little bit common judging by the sun loungers. pic.twitter.com/s7bmVG1Q3I
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) November 8, 2016
58.
I was very anti-Falklands, for example. I wanted to boycott Fray Bentos and leave it there. pic.twitter.com/2d37q5g9bZ
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 30, 2016
59.
I just hate the fact that someone could walk in while you're watching a black and white film and think that you can't afford colour. pic.twitter.com/TenUnJmhm3
— Victoria Wood QOTD (@VictoriaQOTD) December 26, 2016
Still miss her comedy presence.
And we’re reminded somewhat of this fascinating article on the language comedy writers use:
CBA – Meaning “could be anything.” [via Graham Linehan] A joke where a key component is interchangeable with many other options. “I was kissing him but all I could think of was which pocket my tic tacs were in.” The tic tacs are a CBA, as is the pocket. Many Victoria Wood jokes referencing brand names are CBAs.
Such good writing.
