22 New Year’s resolution ideas to start the year with a laugh
January 1st kicks off a brand new year, a clean slate, a fresh chance to f*ck up, so why not start it off with a promise to yourself that you know you’ll break by the weekend? Plenty of people on Twitter have already chosen their New Year’s resolutions and we’ve picked our favourites to share with you.
1.
There’s a lot of pointless, angry arguing and name-calling on twitter, so as I’ve always tried to keep my twitter feed positive my new year’s resolution is to stop missing out and really get stuck in on the aggro.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) December 30, 2018
2.
My New Year’s Resolution is to annoy less grammar pedants.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) December 31, 2018
3.
My 5 New Year resolutions:
1. Never contradict myself
2. Always contradict myself
4. Improve my maths skillz— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) January 1, 2019
4.
My 2019 resolutions
-Find out why pandas aren’t mating
-Find out where all the bees went
-Create bee and panda hybrids that won’t stop mating
-Lead a rebellion against the panda bee overlords
-Exercise more— Lord James Alvarez (@ObscureGent) January 1, 2019
5.
New Year’s resolution: continue to not be a member of a gym.
— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) December 30, 2018
6.
7.
New Year’s Resolutions for 2019: 1) Whenever people ask me a question, respond like Siri would with ‘I found these results’ then say something completely unrelated. 2) Pronounce ‘aubergine’ so it rhymes with ‘wine’. 3) Reply to all social invites with manic laughter & a loud ‘No’
— Tiernan Douieb (@TiernanDouieb) December 31, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/mutablejoe/status/1079441237231439872
9.
https://twitter.com/Vitt2tsnoc/status/1079683619004780544
10.
My new years resolution is to stop using spray deodorants…
Roll on 2019. #NewYearsEve— The Dad Joke Man (@DadJokeMan) December 31, 2018
11.
My new year’s resolution for 2014 is to finally buy a new calendar
— Ben (@0point5twins) December 30, 2018