22 New Year’s resolution ideas to start the year with a laugh
12.
my new years resolution is to exercise two times a year
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) December 31, 2018
13.
For the New Year we should all make a resolution to use the right words about Trump.
Trump doesn't tell "falsehoods."
He doesn't make "factually incorrect statements."
He doesn't make "statements inconsistent with facts."
Let's all say it together. "Trump Lies!"
— Tea Pain (@TeaPainUSA) December 31, 2018
14.
2019 Resolutions:
1) Develop no new interests or hobbies.
2) Consider being Hot For My Age.
3) Light villainy.— R. Eric Thomas (@oureric) December 31, 2018
15.
2019 resolutions:
– Spend more time on Twitter
– Eat more carbs
– Bite nails more
– Do less laundry
– Increase credit card debt
– Move less— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) December 31, 2018
16.
Here are my New Year’s Resolutions.
TELL BREXIT TO FUCK OFF.
TELL TRUMP TO FUCK OFF.
TELL JACOB REES MOGG TO FUCK OFF.
TELL JEREMY CORBYN TO FUCK OFF.
TELL THERESA MAY TO FUCK OFF.
TELL BORIS JOHNSON TO FUCK OFF.
EAT MORE BISCUITS.
REPEAT.
— Jon Pigeon (@PigeonJon) December 31, 2018
17.
Me: "Have you made your list of New Year's Retributions yet?"
Them: "Ha! I think you mean 'Resolutions'!"
Me: *Furiously adds their name to the list*— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) December 30, 2018
18.
https://twitter.com/Arslongawebsite/status/1079689115866681344
19.
I make this resolution every new year and then don’t follow through but I SWEAR 2019 will be the year I kill you all.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 28, 2018
20.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS ARE FOR QUITTERS.
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) January 1, 2019
21.
https://twitter.com/BreakyWakey_Ben/status/1078557132285448194
22. And, because there’s always one – or hundreds …
https://twitter.com/RonanFarrow/status/1079775748980789248
However, not everybody’s making a resolution.
No new year's resolution because I'm still not ready to have sense
— Gomi (@_Ugoo) December 30, 2018
Happy New Year.