25 hilarious things from this week
13.
oh sure dogs do this and everyone's all "aw so cute" but I do it and they're all "geez lady get a plate" pic.twitter.com/hyJ25SC9du
— shauna (@goldengateblond) January 24, 2019
14.
Robin: Bruce, I'm worried about you
Batman: No time, Robin. We've got another note from The Riddler!
Robin: That's a sudoku puzzle
Batman: Alfred, analyze this right away
Robin: That's a hatstand— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) January 21, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/LlamaInaTux/status/1086437393186648065
16.
Today I will be hosting a book sale until the librarians notice
— Spazio (@Spaziotwat) January 23, 2019
17.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD QUEEN??? https://t.co/lYnfuPKcZb
— Craig Addison (@Craigadd) January 22, 2019
18.
Male comedian: the only thing my wife can drive is me crazy haha right
Audience of men wearing the same baseball shirt/darkwash jean combo they’ve had since high school bc they can’t maintain a relationship long enough for a girlfriend to update their wardrobe: HAHAHA
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) January 23, 2019
19.
Me as a kid: ugh why do grownups talk about the weather so much
Me now: this is my 17th least favorite type of rain and lemme tell you why
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) January 23, 2019
20.
So a gift horse walks into a dentist's…
— Bec Hill (@bechillcomedian) January 24, 2019
21.
[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory]
ME:
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE:
ME:
WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to—
ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 23, 2019
22.
Maps used to say cool stuff like “Here Be Dragons.” Now they just say bullshit like “Portugal.”
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) January 23, 2019
23.
https://twitter.com/msgwenl/status/1088488714467270663
24.
have you guys heard about the VHS tape that if you watch it, you have less than seven days to live, not because of a curse or anything but because if you have a working VCR you also are old and of fragile health.
— Steve vs. Ninjas (@stevevsninjas) January 23, 2019
25.
https://twitter.com/AshleyGriffo_/status/1088053892817055746
Tag yourself – I’m the goose.