Simply 13 very funny Chris Grayling jokes
You don’t get a nickname like Failing Grayling without some serious f_ck-ups in your professional history, and Secretary of State for Transport, Chris Grayling, has certainly done his best to live up to that name. Notable fails include:
-
The fake traffic jam he organised to rehearse for Brexit
Banning prisoners from receiving books from friends and family
Introducing legal charges later deemed to be illegal
The trains – just everything about the trains
His latest – and some say “greatest” – error has been awarding a ferry contract to a company with no experience, no ferries and its terms and conditions text nicked from a pizza company. There are now calls for his resignation, again, after it was revealed that £800,000 assessing the ferry company’s bid. Where there’s a political buffon, the jokes will follow, so here are the best 13 we’ve seen.
1.
Types of failure, in ascending order:
Error
Cock-up
Fuck-up
Calamity
Shit-show
Omnishambles
Catastrofuck
Fyre Festival
Theresa May
Brexit
Chris Grayling— David Schneider (@davidschneider) February 9, 2019
2.
Give Chris Grayling a break. How could he have known giving a ferry contract to a firm with no history, no money, no ships, no employees, no ports, no sailing schedule, one telephone line and terms & conditions copied from a pizza takeaway would turn out to be the wrong decision?
— will thorpe (@withorpe) February 9, 2019
3.
In an effort to prove he isn't incompetent, Chris Grayling lends a hand at a Brexit stockpile warehouse: pic.twitter.com/mAKnlDonEx
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) February 11, 2019
4.
I’ve just turned up to a brewery tour organised by Chris Grayling. Unfortunately there isn’t any beer so he’s had to cancel it.
— Ken Clarke (@MrKennethClarke) February 10, 2019
5.
They never had ships. They now never will have ships. They did have the website of a pizza delivery company.
For all intents and purposes Chris Grayling briefly hired a failed Italian restaurant to ship medicine. Look forward to seeing what they do with even more control. https://t.co/7CqLOnQyIU
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) February 9, 2019
6.
Maybe Chris Grayling has already resigned, but his resignation letter hasn't arrived because he entrusted it to some random person on a bicycle who claimed to be a courier service.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) February 11, 2019
7.
Went to get a tattoo of an elbow on my arse. Unfortunately the tattooist was Chris Grayling.
— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) February 13, 2019
8.
Chris Grayling celebrates surviving in his job after another catastrophe by taking a new car for a test drive…pic.twitter.com/IIoCMGQrYQ
— Devutopia (@D_Raval) February 12, 2019
9.
Breaking: Cabinet reshuffle will see Chris Grayling moved to defence . . . pic.twitter.com/Ii7Nvvc6N9
— Mark Adkins (@MarkMyWordsJCPM) February 10, 2019
10.
Should May sack Grayling?
PROS
– Gave £13.8m to ferry company with no ferries
– Ignored warnings re drones at airports
– In charge of train chaos & record cancellations
– Gave Carilion £1.4bn despite warnings then they collapsedAGAINST
– Is a BrexiterCONCLUSION
Don’t sack— David Schneider (@davidschneider) February 11, 2019
11.
As Chris Grayling is told by port chairman of Calais that he's "no longer welcome", people in UK are pleased to find something we finally agree with the French on.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) February 6, 2019
12.
Sorry to report that in the absence of other options Chris Grayling has now resorted to piloting the ferries pic.twitter.com/l1DBgVDeFk
— Alan White (@aljwhite) February 11, 2019
13.
Grayling. Nouns:
1. Any freshwater fish of the genus Thymallus.
2. A species of butterfly, Hipparchia semele.
3. The most incompetent person in a workplace, ineptia magnum.
— Ian Power (@IHPower) February 9, 2019
It isn’t just Twitter that’s having a pop at Failing Grayling, either.
Jeremy Corbyn takes aim at Transport Secretary Chris Grayling with joke in the Commons
Live updates: https://t.co/6k1XlBGNgC pic.twitter.com/3Wt87owdf9
— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) February 12, 2019
He may want some ice for that burn.
