25 funniest jokes of the week

13.

well you’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore https://t.co/njUwK9mFaX

— Hale Mc (@halemcs) March 5, 2019

14.

Scientists now believe an achy breaky heart was the reason for the Billyraysaurus becoming extinct.

— Neil (@_Enanem_) March 6, 2019

15.

When I finish this… they are fucked. pic.twitter.com/ZDYgMzx5AH

— amanda abbington (@CHIMPSINSOCKS) March 7, 2019

16.

They could have added Sitler to it.
So disappointed pic.twitter.com/aZSQhhaS5R

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 6, 2019

17.

I’ve created a spreadsheet which notes everything I’m gonna give up until Easter

It’s excel lent

No you shut up

— vivienne clore (@Vivienneclore) March 7, 2019

18.

Being a dog:

Only live 10-15 years
Often neutered
Have to wee & poo outside regardless of weather

but

Free food & lodging
Sleep a lot
No work
All the sticks you can eat
Get called good boy/girl
Public licking not frowned upon
Completely unaware of brexit

I think I'd take it.

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) March 7, 2019

19.

Donald Trump is a sociopath and must be removed from power.

And no, I’m not a psychiatrist. I’m not a meteorologist either, but I know when it’s fucking raining.

— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) March 6, 2019

20.

5 yo: I want the cereal with the best prize

10 yo: I want the cereal with the most sugar

20 yo: I want the cereal that doubles as dinner

30 yo: I want the cereal that makes me forget I want to die

40: Cereal is too spicy for my tummy

— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 2, 2019

21.

Did Lord Tebbit ever marry his son after all that?

— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) March 5, 2019

22.

“Are you sure the ‘implied strangulation by an effete barrister in a condemned Edwardian boarding house’ look is the best way to flog women's shoes?”
“Yes. Now imply harder”. pic.twitter.com/1BVRcVKZjI

— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) March 5, 2019

23.

Do you think a light bulb appeared above Edison’s head when he had the idea for electricity ?

— Tiffany Stevenson (@tiffstevenson) March 7, 2019

24.

To anyone who thinks they have it harder than me: There is a person in my life who, every time I text them, CALLS ME BACK.

— Kristen Bartlett (@kristencheeks) March 6, 2019

25.

Just been to a baby massage class. I can recommend it. Babies have surprisingly strong fingers, & refreshingly little chat

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) March 7, 2019