Comedian Sooz Kempner’s thread about her old job is the gritty comedy-drama of the year
The living conditions weren’t exactly five-star standard.
We lived above a restaurant called Shenanigans and our entrance was round the back up some steps and you often would be greeted on the steps by rats the size of Jack Russells.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
I had bleached blonde hair in Napa and bought some clip in red extensions for Xtina gigs and I had to throw them out after a baby tarantula was on them and I sprayed it with an entire can of bug spray.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Ayia Napa was where I learned I am built from iron. We were advised not to drink the tap water but I did and told everyone it was fine, just a bit chlorine-flavoured so everyone drank it and got terrible diarrhoea and I was like "I'M FINE THO".
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
Same thing happened when a bunch of us went to the KFC-style chain on the island, SDC (Southern Dixieland Chicken) and everyone got food poisoning except me and we renamed it Sudden Death Chicken.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
The warning signs were there from the outset.
When I arrived at the airport one of the bosses was holding a sign but not with my name on it, just with a picture of Christina Aguilera torn from a magazine only it wasn't Christina Aguilera, it was Anastacia and it's a good job I went over and queried who they were waiting for.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
After collecting me they took me to an apartment and made me sing in the lounge to check I was up to the job. I sang Candyman and Beautiful with backing tracks. But literally the first 4 hours of the job looked like something from a TV drama about sex trafficking.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
Three months of chaos, but what a story.
I've gained nearly 80 new followers from this thread so thank you Ayia Napa, you may have resembled a Soviet Vegas but you sure gave back in the end.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
Here she is, sans tarantula extensions.
I just had a look for pictures from this job but I can't find anything that sums up how insane it was so here I am post-gig looking the most like me I've ever looked. pic.twitter.com/fa03BgtiPK
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) May 30, 2019
Sooz’ thread has taken Twitter by storm, as these comments ably demonstrate.
This is one of the ALL TIME GREAT Twitter threads, via @jayrayner1. If someone doesn't make it into a film my life will mean very little, going forward. Every installment is GOLD. https://t.co/9svqCqsOn9
— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) May 30, 2019
https://twitter.com/EmmaKennedy/status/1134130391252635649
https://twitter.com/stavvers/status/1134145974643888129
This thread promises much in its first tweet but believe me, it delivers https://t.co/k6mq9Q8rvP
— Eddie Robson (@EddieRobson) May 30, 2019
Every detail of this. Every. Detail. https://t.co/zQVTwD3ov7
— Nathaniel Tapley (@Natt) May 30, 2019
Jay Rayner explained it beautifully.
This brilliant thread: a slice of life, if your life involves being a trafficked pop tribute act. https://t.co/skxdDqQuL8
— Jay Rayner (@jayrayner1) May 30, 2019
Your move, Netflix.