How did the Quality Street chocolates vote on Brexit? Like this!
We’re in the run-up to a general election and the countdown to Christmas, so what could be better than singer and comedian Sooz Kempner making one of her brilliant threads combining the two topics? We don’t know how she knows these voting tendencies, but they make perfect sense, so she must be onto something.
1.
THREAD: How the Quality Street chocolates voted in the EU referendum.
⁰As requested by @DaveBirthday.THE PURPLE ONE: Remain. Once got 27 RTs from tweeting “I’m happy to pay for Netflix so I’m definitely happy to pay in to the EU” and it’s been their pinned tweet for 3 years. pic.twitter.com/1QSMoND0R6
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
2.
ORANGE CHOC CRUNCH: Remain. Regularly says Labour has been ruined under Corbyn despite only voting Labour once, in 1997 and even that was because “Tony’s got good shoulders”. pic.twitter.com/PEbYzEgp1O
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
3.
TOFFEE FINGER: Leave. Local character. Genuinely clueless. Gets all politics from overheard pub conversations. Thinks Germany started the EU during the war and it’s our duty to fight against it. Can be found telling people this in any queue. pic.twitter.com/viH7b7Vo32
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
4.
STRAWBERRY DELIGHT: Leave. Describes Farage, Brexit, Johnson, Trump and Sargon of Akaad as “pure banter”. Eyes fill with tears when thinking about what Tommy Robinson has been through. pic.twitter.com/0dyP9klnc2
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
5.
CARAMEL SWIRL: Remain. Gets all info from memes. Tries to pass off jokes from memes as own content on Facebook and Twitter. Decided to start vlogging in 2017. Did two vlogs. Stopped. pic.twitter.com/pDkkfjnhxl
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
6.
MILK CHOC BLOCK: Leave. Says what it likes and likes what it bloody well says. Wants a no-nonsense No Deal exit with WTO rules. Doesn’t consume news, says news is for “soft lefty southerners”. pic.twitter.com/AtV19rvJBU
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
7.
ORANGE CREME: Remain. Did a Tom Cruise fist-pump when Jo Swinson said she’d launch a nuclear weapon no problem at all. Insists Swinson's performance in the Question Time Special was “excellent under tough questioning”. Blocks anyone who disagrees. pic.twitter.com/F7GZszDwOB
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
8.
FUDGE: Remain. Kept saying that Labour should “just stop Brexit” and when somebody asked “how though?” they felt personally attacked and won’t be posting any more opinions from now on “as I’m apparently not allowed to have them”. pic.twitter.com/7d4b3E1oqc
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
9.
COCONUT ECLAIR: Remain. Best year of its life was 1997. Thinks if Blair hadn’t resigned in 2007 he would still be PM. Has convinced itself that Iraq was “the right decision”. Has mentioned David Miliband over 300 times in tweets. pic.twitter.com/VPYonOj8G6
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
10.
TOFFEE PENNY: Leave. Postal vote because it’s less easy to tamper with your ballot for some reason, heard it from Dave down the social club. Doesn’t trust those small pencils. Shifty women behind the desks. pic.twitter.com/Jjpfwntzi1
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
11.
THE GREEN TRIANGLE: Remain. Whenever anyone brings up politics they sigh, close their eyes and shake their head with a martyred smile. Has no opinions of their own but saw very cool colleague do the sigh thing once and has copied it ever since. pic.twitter.com/VouktsnhW3
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
Sooz had this to add …
This was so stupid and I presume I've now jumped the shark with these threads.
— Sooz Kempner (@SoozUK) 24 November 2019
Nonsense. Now do the Christmas songs …”All I Want For Christmas is an Australian-style Points System”
Source: @SoozUk Image: @eagleboobs on Unsplash, Nestlé, @SoozUK
Read more: “How the Thomas the Tank Engine characters voted in the EU referendum” is hilariously accurate
