Our 25 favourite funny things from the past week

13.

someone warn jesus pic.twitter.com/sVcfa5UeVd

— Stuart Laws (@thisstuartlaws) March 11, 2020

14.

I have a stocks and shares ISA which you can pick whether you want a squirrel, owl, or a fox profile about how assertive you want your investment to be. I picked owl.

Press f to pay respects to my owl please.

— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) March 9, 2020

15.

Incredible news from my son's school as he informs me he knows a 5 year old named Alan.

— Gee Aitch Cee (@Scriblit) March 10, 2020

16.

The spirit of Bruce Forsyth is in the greengrocers… pic.twitter.com/QbgZhnkuNY

— 🤣 The Dad Joke Man 😉 (@DadJokeMan) March 9, 2020

17.

FOUND YOUR MUM'S GAFF pic.twitter.com/cGdNyvRNFr

— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) March 11, 2020

18.

Didn't realise the Peloton bike cost £2000 and requires a monthly subscription.
Much cheaper to buy an exercise bike from eBay and ask your partner to shout such things as "give it some welly, fatty" from the other side of the room.

— Peter Smith (@Redpeter99) March 12, 2020

19.

This feels very much like a “I want to paint a cow like a zebra. Let’s reverse-engineer a reason for doing it” type of experiment. https://t.co/G8kenYBjwm

— Nick Pettigrew (@Nick_Pettigrew) March 12, 2020

20.

On this day 1967: Debut album The Velvet Underground & Nico is released. pic.twitter.com/bzDLCBVcm5

— Balderdash (@notDcfcBoss) March 12, 2020

21.

There's a programme on BBC2 called Elephant Diaries.

You'd think that was one animal that wouldn't need to keep one.

— Jason (@NickMotown) March 12, 2020

22.

Due to recent events, I’m no longer looking for love.. I’m looking for toilet paper

— Jersey Girl (@Bklynboriqua718) March 12, 2020

23.

I got up at 5 this morning to bleed the radiators as they were rattling the fuck out of the house.

Bled them all.

Still happening.

It was Frank's fucking hamster giving it six nowt on its wheel.

Fair play to the hairy wee bastard.

— mushybees (@beesesteeses) March 12, 2020

24.

ME [texting boss]: Are we still on for today?

BOSS: Yes. You do not need to text me this every morning. We are still “on” for work every morning, Monday to Friday.

— Deserter (@deserterblog) March 8, 2020

25.

No, YOU grow up. pic.twitter.com/mK2xyVp72v

— Jayne Sharp (@Jaynesharp) March 13, 2020

READ MORE

25 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week

Source Twitter Image @sergiferrete on Unsplash