25 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week
It’s Friday again, and with the lockdown rules lifting, that might even mean something to some of you this time.
To us, it means a chance to share these very funny things we’ve seen this week.
1.
my wife witnessed a miracle today & yelled across the house with an urgency that had me sprinting. I thought something terrible had happened but when i came into the kitchen she said: Look… pic.twitter.com/KHw0XsQLJU
— Matthew Burnside (@MatthewBurnsid7) May 12, 2020
2.
If you’re unhappy with yourself remember that you’re not alone. A lot of other people, especially at work, hate you too. Don’t leave your lunch unattended.
— Sooz (@CruisinSoozan) May 11, 2020
3.
I just thought of a comeback to people who dragged me for having a robot hoover:
“OH WELL IF HAVING AN AUTOMATIC HOOVER IS LAZY I’M ASSUMING YOU DON’T HAVE A WASHING MACHINE AND WASH ALL YIUR CLOTHES BY HAND?”
It only took me 3 months to think of it but wow I nailed it
— Nicola Coughlan (@nicolacoughlan) May 13, 2020
4.
Glad the dog was up this morning to take my delivery in… 👏🏻 pic.twitter.com/r6XNndFv5G
— Tom Davies 🇬🇧 (@Tom_D98) May 12, 2020
5.
When does the jogging end… surely they must be getting close to declaring a winner
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 13, 2020
6.
Who would be friends with a writer? Tough gig. In unrelated news, I’m making a list of friends who haven’t yet been in touch to say how much they loved my book.
— Robert Webb (@arobertwebb) May 13, 2020
7.
There aren’t any downright stupid pasta names but there are a fusilli ones.
God, this lockdown’s going on, isn’t it?
— Chris Addison (@mrchrisaddison) May 11, 2020
8.
When Trump dies and they examine his brain, who want to bet five bucks that it’s just one giant cheddar bay biscuit with a watch battery inside?
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) May 11, 2020
9.
Just got a new bank card. Going to cut my old card up into tiny, little pieces and share those tiny, little pieces between different bins just to make sure any scammers waiting at the landfill have a really tough time trying to piece it back together again.
— Tokyo Sexwhale (@tokyo_sexwhale) May 11, 2020
10.
You can see how small Tom Hardy is here by the size of the spring onions he’s holding. pic.twitter.com/PWnFUOUOIC
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) May 14, 2020
11.
Every time I see a made-up clickbait headline about women being warned not to put thing-they-never-put-in-their-vagina into their vagina, I do it out of spite. Currently harbouring an icepop, a jade egg, and a nest of furious wasps like the world's most intimidating kegel balls
— Ciara | Ciaraíoch (@Ciaraioch) May 10, 2020
12.
When the producer and director take a pass at your script. pic.twitter.com/3dyHnPa8kR
— XÆ (@StarrburyMike) May 11, 2020