25 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week
13.
He looks like the bloke in CeX they keep out the back because his body spray keeps setting off the fire alarm pic.twitter.com/fCoN8Ihu3Q
— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) May 12, 2020
14.
I’m speechless. pic.twitter.com/7L9b9qYRoW
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) May 9, 2020
15.
"remove outer packaging", "pierce lid with a fork", "stir halfway through cooking", CHRIST does it ever end
— joe (@mutablejoe) May 11, 2020
16.
This morning we've had to physically prise a bird out of the mouth of my cat and cut a large lump of poo from the hair round my dog's arse.
Get pets they said. It'll be fun they said.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 12, 2020
17.
Got a ‘you ok?’Text from an ex tonight. Sent him message back telling him I’d spoken to our aunt, asked how his husband is and told him to call after he put baby to bed. He was stored in my phone under ‘Maryam’, my cousin’s name. I forgot how complicated my love life used to be.
— Shappi Khorsandi5667753324777 (@ShappiKhorsandi) May 11, 2020
18.
People say they hate Nickelback, but Chad Kroeger's net worth is $60 million dollars, so some of you are a bunch of goddamn liars.
— Benny 'Night Train' Rollins (@citizenkawala) May 12, 2020
19.
You know you’re getting old when you bend down to get something and you see if there are any other jobs you can get done while you’re down there
— Frin ☕️ (@dimplesticks) May 12, 2020
20.
Why my wife requests that I no longer peel her oranges: pic.twitter.com/4VECnBPocT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 11, 2020
21.
Her: what have you done today?
Me: I’ve watched The Mighty Ducks
Her: You’re 33!
Me:……….and The Mighty Ducks 2
— Greg One Leg (@Greg_1_Leg) May 11, 2020
22.
Did you know?
If you hold a bowl of broccoli up to your ear, you can hear the sound of a toddler screaming for grilled cheese.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 10, 2020
23.
If I were to do a mood board of my ideal home interior it would just be a picture of a tin of Lyle’s Golden Syrup.
— Kiri Pr'chard-McLean (@kiripritchardmc) May 12, 2020
24.
Cookie Monster has forward facing eyes mounted high upon his head.
This suggests Cookie Monster is a submerged, ambush predator.
Just something to consider.
— Floofy Derpasaurus Rex, M.D. (@Doc_Wolverine) May 12, 2020
25.
Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are..Star: I’m a fucking STAR. You LITERALLY just said it.
— OMG, Becky! 🍒 (@beckybbarr) May 14, 2020
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Our 25 favourite funny tweets of the week
Image Matthew Burnside
