Our 25 favourite funny jokes and pics from this week

13.

Renamed my oldest kid Netflix because he's always asking, "Are you still watching?" even when he's showing me shit I've already seen.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 27, 2020

14.

Me: I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I'm all out of bubblegum.

Bubblegumist: You're at the right place. We have a variety of soft, cohesive substances for your chewing pleasure.

Me: Great! Because doctors told me that if I kick another ass my feet will shatter.

— Réal Funghi 🇨🇦 (@realfunghi) May 26, 2020

15.

Just been to the butcher’s to find out if my new glasses are ready.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) May 27, 2020

16.

the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was walking down some stairs behind a sofa

— joe (@mutablejoe) May 26, 2020

17.

They say that love cannot exist in a vacuum, and I believe this. I do know, however, that a hamster can, sometimes for quite a long time.

— Elena Lifewaster Jr. 😐💀 (@elunatyk) May 27, 2020

18.

I’ve just treated the old woman next door.

That’ll teach her to pop her head over my fence when I’m creosoting it.

— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) May 25, 2020

19.

I was really looking forward to taking a 'Beginners Wordplay' class. I was gutted to find out it was actually 'Beginner Swordplay'.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 27, 2020

20.

How I feel after I open the jar she was struggling with. pic.twitter.com/e06ltSJLhz

— Father Drinks McGee (@drinksmcgee) May 28, 2020

21.

I was watching Springwatch & said
"These are brilliant bird names" & then the missus looked at me & said
"It's the names of the men who took the photographs" pic.twitter.com/ZQEK522NcN

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) May 28, 2020

22.

this is so funny help 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/f3zkGgmSah

— iggy | blm (@offbrandwagner) May 24, 2020

23.

Titanic (1997)

Scientist: Where’s the diamond?
Old lady: *three hour long story about how she lost her virginity*

— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 25, 2020

24.

"Have you considered cry eating a hot dog?"—me giving advice

— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) May 28, 2020

25.

CAUTION

Thriller video pic.twitter.com/DdE4W5ZyOd

— batkaren (@batkaren) May 27, 2020

READ MORE

Simply 25 of the funniest things we’ve seen on Twitter this week

Image Vevo, @JudgeDewie