This tale of a cook being bullied by a seagull nicknamed ‘The Pestilence’ is a very funny read
Spare a thought for this cook who is being bothered so much by a seagull during their breaks at work that they resorted to going on Reddit to ask for advice.
The seagull is so bothersome that it’s even got a nickname – ‘The Pestilence’ – and it’s quite the read.
‘I’m obsessed with this,’ said @ellle_em who shared it over on Twitter.
And it prompted no end of responses.
I love that he's considering quitting due to concerns about the seagulls. I've had been with them, but as a bear I always win. They're pretty devious tho.
— HisRoyalFlyness The Timbersmith (@FlyIngenuity) June 25, 2023
“The gulls do not fear man or god” this person is a POET https://t.co/3SKwGNJLNt
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) June 25, 2023
“I call him The Pestilence” 😂
— Luella Schmidt (@luellajschmidt) June 25, 2023
But only because ‘he’s probably too young to be smoking’. This sent me. It’s pure gold.
— Elizabeth Alli – DesignerUp (@LizTheWhizard) June 26, 2023
delightful little phrases like "regardless, the gulls do not fear man or god" are what happen when people are in the zone and telling the truth of their experience from their heart https://t.co/rpwZdSg2ht
— Visakan Veerasamy (@visakanv) June 25, 2023
"The Pestilence" 😂
He should send this story over to Larry David for a Curb episode 😂
Or a Seinfeld one. If it still existed. "The Pestilence" could be the name of the episode!
— Jane (@msjanejenkins) June 25, 2023
Look, maybe it’s just because I’m coming off teaching at a week long writers retreat but like, this call for advice gives me everything I want in a query: the protagonist, the antagonist, the goal, the stakes. Will he quit smoking?! Will he befriend the gull?! Full request. https://t.co/sHNimezLZ0
— Kelly Van Sant (@bookishchick) June 25, 2023
Translated to Shakespearean English:
“In mine occupation as a line cook, I oft find myself seeking solace by the dumpsters, partaking in the ritual of smoking, in many an instance throughout the day. A well-renowned tavern is this, besieged by seagulls in our carriage house, the…
— cyr (@cyr) June 26, 2023
Reddit needs to exist only because otherwise I would never have seen this post and my life would be that much emptier
— Elle Has Cats (and ADHD) (@ellle_em) June 25, 2023
I like to imagine that in an alternate universe, there's a seagull version of reddit and this gull is posting about the human that he is trying to help quit smoking, but the human is a little bit dense and Human Control Services is being absolutely zero help.
— Kristy (@llamalluv) June 25, 2023
But just in case you find yourself in a similar situation, Reddit had some proper advice. Well, mostly proper.
‘National Geographic says seagulls don’t like “bright, scary owl faces on masks or balloons”. Obviously smoking in a mask isn’t gonna work but I really want you to try a balloon. It also suggested mirrors, wind chimes or hanging like an old cd to reflect the sun.’
ThreeFingeredTypist‘Just to add on to this – these methods work for the short term, as birds are generally quite smart and they do learn that nothing bad happens. They get used to these things pretty quick and so you have to rotate.’
foulfaerie‘I use a water gun on the prick that steals food from my cats. It works well and he fears me.’
mem269‘Have you tried couples therapy?’
antiromance
Source Reddit u/ingracioth