Somebody put out a call for people to share their favourite jokes – 16 humdingers
Writer and podcaster Dan Schreiber was sharing his favourite jokes with a friend when they quickly came to that familiar realisation – jokes are often really difficult to remember.
To ease his frustration he went onto Twitter/X and asked his followers to share their favourite jokes which they were more than happy to do.
Here’s the original post followed by 16 of the best replies, including quite a few gems that are new to us.
My friend Andrew and I are telling each other our favourite jokes, and our memories are failing us (we’ve run out after just 3 jokes) We can’t remember any more. Anyone know a good joke?
— Dan Schreiber (@Schreiberland) March 16, 2024
1.
What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?
The polar bear https://t.co/tnSE9fN6qq
— The Spokesvagina (@johubris) March 17, 2024
2.
An old Lee Mack fave of mine:
My nan used to say there are three types of people in this world. Those who can count, and those who can't.
— Andrea Mann (@AndreaMann) March 16, 2024
3.
This is one of my favourite jokes. pic.twitter.com/05hQpwZZ0L
— Fran Caine (@Francainestein) March 16, 2024
4.
A Greek with a torn toga walks into a shop. The tailor says ‘Euripides?’. The man nods and replies ‘Eumenides?’. pic.twitter.com/eig5mrFZhV
— RAK (@rakeith1414) March 16, 2024
5.
When my grandad was sick the doctor said to rub butter all over his back. He went down hill very quickly after that.
— Bobsleigh Bob (@bobsleighbob) March 16, 2024
6.
A priest, an imam and a rabbit went to donate blood. “Brilliant, another universal donor!” said the nurse to the rabbit. “How do you know?” asked the rabbit. “Well, you’re clearly a Type O.”
— Jon Edwards (@JonSatriani) March 16, 2024
7.
Interviewer: What's your biggest skill?
Me: I can perform under pressure.
Interviewer: Can you give an example?
Me: bmbmbmdldlmbm
bmbmbmdldlmbm
PRESSURE!
pushing down on me— Jack Yeo (@jackryeo) March 16, 2024
8.
I read this somewhere:
Q: How do you titillate an ocelot?
A: You oscillate its tit a lot— Ben Clover – "BEST NEWCOMER" @EDFRINGE (@BenClover_) March 16, 2024
9.
I went to the funeral of a friend when they began eulogies. I asked the widow if I could say a word and she obliged. I went to the podium and said,"Plethora". As I stepped down, the widow told me,"Thank you. That meant a lot."
— Jill Pill Beppi (@jillpillbeppi) March 16, 2024
10.
Why don't owls mate in the rain?
Because it's too wet to woo.
— Rev Hannah Mary Richardson (@hannahmary8890) March 16, 2024
11.
Last one I promise.
The guy who played the villain in Skyfall came in to my bar the other day. He was really drunk and nearly started a fight.
Javier Bardem?
No. I just told him to come back when he was less drunk.
— John Davis (@sensiblejumper) March 16, 2024
12.
Erwin Schrödinger: "Hey, doc, how's my cat doing?"
The vet: "Well, Erwin, I've got good news & bad news…"
— Del McG (@DelMcG) March 16, 2024
13.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other's a little lighter!
— Hitch #RenewAsACrew (@hitchthemusical) March 16, 2024
14.
What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?
Ian
— Philippe Mahomes (@zidandolorian) March 16, 2024
15.
A wealthy American in a Scottish pub is trying to impress one of the locals. “Say pal,” he says, “you know that if I start driving at 8 o’clock and keep on driving, by 10 o’clock I still won’t have reached the end of my property?”
The Scot nods. “Aye, I had a car like that once.”— من النهر إلى البحر (@RobAbuSharr) March 17, 2024
16.
A Roman Soldier walks into a bar and holds 2 fingers up
He says “5 beers please”
— Ian Bevan (@Welsh_Git1986) March 17, 2024
Oh, go on – you can have a bonus one.
The person who stole my diary has just died. My thoughts are with his family
— maff (@seashaped) March 17, 2024
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Source Dan Schreiber Image Pixabay
