Life r/AskReddit relationships

People have been sharing what they would say if their ex turned up and wanted to talk – 15 that don’t beat about the bush

When a romantic relationship ends, it can leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Or theirs. Or both – and who’s to say who’s right? Sometimes it runs both ways.

As Taylor Swift so rightly intoned, “‘Cause, baby, now we got bad blood”.

In this vein, people have been responding to the question, posed in r/AskReddit yesterday,

If your ex suddenly came back and wanted to talk, what’s the first thing you’d say?

Depending on how things ended between you and your ex, you might find some of these suggestions quite relatable. First up are some examples from popular TV swipers. Then follow originals, some brutal, some bizarre, some that will stop you in your tracks…

1.

To Quote Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99;

“Wait, if you’re here … then who’s guarding the gates of Hades?”
ClownfishSoup

2.

“I can smell the sulfur coming off her cloven hooves.”

~Ron Swanson
karmannsport

3.

Dr Cox shooting similar years earlier, Carla saying he wants to just lay next to Jordan and sleep side by side.

“It’s impossible to actually lie next to Jordan, seeing as she sleeps hanging upside-down from the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.”
awildyetti

4.

Let me stop you right there.
202glewis

5.

Not today, Satan.
Comfortable-Guitar27

6.

Lay your eyes upon the field in which I grow my f–ks and see, for it is barren.
DarkMatter665

7.

Hope you’re doing well. But I no longer wish to associate with you.
Double-Pride-454

8.

Are you done with your mid-life crisis yet?
Dammitdaddy

9.

I would remind him I still have a restraining order in effect and call the cops.
KDneverleft

(Ouch.)

10.

How is this happening? You’re dead!
NoOneStranger_227

11.

Bye, Felicia.
ImGivingUpOnLife

11.

I prefer the emptiness I feel when I’m alone to the sadness I feel when I’m with you.
Pantaruxada

12.

“Being alone has never felt as lonely as being with you.”
undergroundwrecker

13.

I’m sorry.
KUKC76

14.

It’s been 4 years, can I finally have the money you owe me and my stuff back please.
Revus82

15.

“Madeline. You’ve aged.”
MisterSnowman69

(This is also attributed to Captain Holt. That man’s on fire.)

Emotional maturity entered the chat.

My ex is my best friend. We talk all the time. We spend holidays together with our son.
Educational_Ad_8830

Way to go, Educational_Ad_8830!

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Source r/AskReddit Image Screengrab