Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week

13.

I'd totally get a microchip in my brain if it could allow me to hear my dog's thoughts.

— Benny 'Workin Man' Rollins (@citizenkawala) February 27, 2025

14.

Pontius Pilate, while best known for crucifying Jesus Christ, also retains the historical distinction of being the first person to observe that the sound pigs make is "oink."

— Damon Hunzeker (@DamonHunzeker) February 27, 2025

15.

how to achieve the perfect smokey eye:
apply eye liner yesterday

— Her Tall Boots (@fuzzlime) February 27, 2025

16.

I wonder how many times Mary and Joseph were late for temple because toddler Jesus wanted to do his sandal straps all by himself?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 23, 2025

17.

Left medicine, became a quizzer. My only chance left of being upgraded to business class is if a flight attendant says "Is there anybody on board who knows who is the only person to win an Oscar and a Booker Prize?"

— Paul Sinha (@paulybengali) February 27, 2025

18.

When a billionaire dies, who inherits their Supreme Court justices?

— _ (@SundaeDivine) February 24, 2025

19.

He's a 10, but his favorite font is Times New Roman.

— Molly (@HappyHijabbi) February 26, 2025

20.

Didn’t know what the waitress said so I took a guess and said “just water thanks”.

Turns out she had asked “any allergies?”

— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) February 23, 2025

21.

As I was driving, some stranger yelled "what's your problem lady?"

So I was honest, I said I drink too much and I can't stop eating chips.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) February 26, 2025

22.

I’ve never seen more false hope than when a first grader comes to school wearing brand new white shoes, and says, “My mom told me to tell you I can’t get my new shoes dirty.”

— Michelle (@michelleDbelle) February 23, 2025

23.

Do Sky get a group discount on them trainers? Wtf #lufc pic.twitter.com/70uNh0LJsG

— LamNam (@_LamNam_) February 24, 2025

24.

At the time of the robbery I was at home writing in my diary how I detest all crimes and criminals. Sorry to disappoint you, Lieutenant.

— Kip Conlon (@kipconlon) February 27, 2025

25.

trying to do anything as an american is crazy right now because anytime you look away it's like oh, what do you mean they just made it legal for Jeff Bezos to steal my wallet and kick me in the balls. i was saving up to buy eggs

— Cloudy ️ (estrogen angel) (@oncloud_e) February 26, 2025

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25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week

Image Wikimedia Commons