The 5 Stages of Getting Old
The 5 Stages of Getting Old
1. Denial
“My joints probably ache because my mattress is probably faulty.”
“My eyesight isn’t getting worse, they must just be making words in books smaller.”
“My hair isn’t going grey, my mirror must be defective.”
“It must just be the angle that photo was taken that makes my face look wrinkled.”
“Maybe those hairs have always been growing in those places and I’ve just not noticed them until now.”
2. Anger
“Why does it take me so bastard long to scroll down to my date of birth on an online form?!”
“It’s not bloomin’ fair! I only slept at a slightly different angle than usual. Why does my neck hurt for 3 days after!!”
“I’m SO sick of not being able to remember what I walked into a room for!”
“WHY CAN’T I STAY AWAKE PAST 9.30PM ANY MORE???”
3. Bargaining
“I’ll start using an SPF religiously if it helps stop aging.”
“I’ll do those weird facial exercises I saw on YouTube if they help reduce wrinkles.”
“I’ll pay stupid amounts of money for bizarre serums and creams if they promise to improve my skin.”
“I’ll drink disgusting smoothies with weird crap in them every day if they help to stop my joints aching.”
“I’ll stop drinking coffee and alcohol and eating red meat even though just the thought of it makes me want to cry.”
4. Depression
If I fall over, instead of saying “They fell over” people will say “They had a fall.” The shame!
All my targeted ads will be for old people stuff incontinence pants and stairlifts.
I’ll have to ask a young person to help me with new technology.
5. Acceptance
Sod it! The way I look now doesn’t define me. I’ve got experience and wisdom and no longer care so much about what people think of me!
If I’m getting old, it means I’m not dead yet!
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