‘What’s something people pretend is normal in modern dating, but is actually insanely toxic?’ – 23 uniquely 21st century red flags

If you are one of the many people who are looking for love in the 21st century, commiserations.

It’s hard in the dating trenches these days, but is it worse than in the olden days when you were either betrothed to a just-distant-enough cousin to keep the money in the family or married the first person you met who didn’t seem awful just to escape your parents? It’s hard to say.

Anyway, whatever the era, the course of true love never did run smooth, as they’ve been discussing on Reddit after user JustLittleGirl_ asked:

‘What’s something people pretend is normal in modern dating, but is actually insanely toxic when you think about it?’

And people had lots of thoughts about how difficult it can be to navigate meeting someone in 2025.

1.

‘Recording your partner for pranks or ‘relationship tests’ for social media.’
–Jazzlike-Success8207

2.

‘Ugh, the ones of people snatching phones to test their spouse. He wouldn’t, but I would be so pissed if my husband snatched my phone. Even for a TikTok or a joke.

‘I’m a boring fuck with no secrets, but the principle of snatching with zero communicating of concerns or even just asking to see it then and there is plainly fucking gross and I won’t stand to be disrespected like that.’
–Dazzling-Disaster107

3.

‘It’s seen as a red flag if you don’t live on social media. I have Reddit but apps like Instagram and Snapchat felt pointless. Takes me out of the running for a fair amount of people.’
–Pink_Flash

4.

‘Comparisons. Stop comparing your couple, your actions, and your involvement to what you see others doing on the internet.’
–Spiderbanana

5.

‘The expectation to respond to texts immediately. Like you owe your partner your full time and attention.’
–victrolasparkling

6.

‘I’ve been out of the dating game for over a decade, but my students (high school) have their significant others on Life360 and apparently track them constantly. I had one student completely melt down because her boyfriend had accidentally left his phone at home and she didn’t know exactly where he was.’
–huntfishcamp

7.

‘Posting publicly your lover’s quarrel. Like bruh, you’re embarrassing your partner on social media? And posting it next morning like nothing happened?’
–Secret_Answer9855

8.

‘These days it is safe to assume that any messages between the two of you might be screenshot and shared. I experienced this recently, and I found it bizarre.’
–B4K5c7N

9.

‘Dating apps can create a shopping mentality where people are seen as options rather than individuals.’
–poisonous-baddiee

10.

‘So this makes me think of the guy in Bristol who set up his piano in public and vowed to not stop playing until he won back his ex girlfriend. To start people were like ‘this is so romantic’ but it’s actually really toxic and gross. You got dumped. They don’t want you back. Don’t make a public spectacle to try and bully/shame her into taking you back.’
–Yaseuk

11.

‘Texting each other multi volume novels instead of picking up the phone or meeting in person.’
–Quiet_Plant6667

12.

‘Ghosting, ESPECIALLY if you’ve been out on a few dates already. I know most people take the hint after one date if they stop messaging, but if you’ve seen this person, especially a few times, it just shows a huge level of disrespect and leaves them confused as to why you don’t want to see them again.’
–DrPhilsButthole420