Exclusive holidays

The ‘How to pretend you’re abroad even though you’re stuck in the UK starter pack’ – 9 holiday essentials

With temperatures in the UK at the moment being pretty extreme, you can almost pretend you’re on holiday abroad. Not quite though. There are a few essentials needed to get the full pretend experience, so we’ve put together a starter pack of necessary items.

The ‘How to pretend you’re abroad even though you’re stuck in the UK starter pack’

1. An industrial toaster. For the full experience make your family members queue up behind you while you awkwardly wait for your slices of toast to appear. Then just mutter under your breath when one of them pushes in front of you and steals one of your slices.

2. Orange juice in a glass not much bigger than a thimble. Sip a glass of it as something to do while you’re waiting for your toast.

3. A can of Fanta Lemon. While you’re drinking it, get a mate to play the  Chocolate (Choco Choco) song at full blast next to you.

4. A tiny plate. Load it up with some chicken nuggets, a steak, 3 pieces of cucumber, an omelette, and a bread roll to get the ‘Buffet on an all inclusive holiday’ feeling.

5. Lay’s crisps. The bigger the bag the better. Best eaten when lying on your bed after a shower before getting ready to go out for dinner.

6. A paper wristband. Make sure it’s on a bit too tight, and neon so it doesn’t go with any of your outfits. 

7. An alarm clock, set to go off at 5am. Far earlier than you’d normally get up, even on a work day, but necessary for that full holiday experience of having to get up at a stupid time in order to get a sun bed.

8. A pint of lager. For authenticity this needs to be drunk at 8am, and then repeated multiple times throughout the day.

9. A bumbag. Even though you generally wouldn’t be seen dead wearing such a monstrosity.