David Quantick and Chris Barker’s ‘The Lost Films of Hollywood’ is a real treat for comedy fans – 9 examples of the greatest movies never made

We’d have put good money on any collaboration between writer David Quantick and illustrator Chris Barker being comedy gold. It turns out that we were absolutely right.

Between them, they’ve cooked up the fascinating concept of The Lost Films of Hollywood, the greatest movies never made.

Chris Barker talked us through the concept

“Imagine if all the movies you know and (to different degrees) love were actually remakes of existing films from the past.

So, for example The Matrix was a remake of a Michael Crichton thriller from the seventies starring Richard Roundtree (of Shaft fame) and David Carradine or The Men in Black was a remake of a classic Abbot and Costello comedy.”

David commented “I had an idea that was funny but it was no good until Chris came on board.” He added “These are the real versions of the movies, the others are just crazy dreams.”

Their posters are the perfect combination of film history, comedy and design – and not a hint of AI. When they had about 20, they realised it was a great topic for a calendar. Exactly three weeks from David contacting Chris about working together, the project was fully funded on Kickstarter.

The greatest movies never made

These are some of the wonderful images from the calendar, with snippets of the hilarious film synopses that accompany them.

Bridesmaids (1953)

‘Career girl Marilyn Monroe is getting married, and before she hands in her independence for an apron and a frying pan, wants a final night as a singleton to remember.’

When Harry Met Sally (1944)

‘A divorced couple are thrown together again by circumstance. Can they overcome their mutual dislike and become friends? When Harry Met Sally answers that question with a resounding “Yes, and then some!”’

The Men in Black (1953)

‘Invaders from Planet X – led by Boris Karloff as “Monstro” take over the planet. Abbott and Costello are the only ones too dumb to be affected by their alien mind ray.’

Shaun of the Dead (1978)

‘Robin Askwith plays Shaun, a TV repairman, who is having a normal day fixing lonely housewives’ sets with his big spanner …when the dead rise from their graves.’

The K-Pop Demon Hunters (1963)

‘British beat combo “Kevin and The K-Pops” (Cliff Richard and the Shadows) are touring US bases in South Korea, ostensibly to entertain the troops. But really, Kevin and his band are actually there to wage war on the forces of Satan.’

Moon (1926)

‘Keaton plays an intrepid explorer who fires himself into space to become the first man on the Moon. Or so he thinks. The “crater” he lands in is in fact a magical lake with the power to create identical copies of anything that falls into it.’

The Thursday Murder Club (1951)

‘Life at the Bide-A-Wee nursing home is dull for old timers Maud (Margaret Rutherford), Ruby (Esme Cannon), Albert (Stanley Holloway) and Ronald (Alec Guinness) – until the murder of Matron (Peggy Mount). With no witnesses, no motive and no obvious suspects, it’s up to our aged heroes to solve the case.’

Face/Off (1965)

‘After they witness an assassination in the tiny South American country of Parazuellia, Eric and Ernie are put in witness protection. hey are given new faces – but, owing to a terrible misunderstanding, they are given each other’s faces.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel (1977)

‘Hailed as the QE2 of Hotels – but it’s more like the Titanic.’

A great reception

Some names you might recognise, who happen to have a dog in the fight, have been very complimentary.

“These are all so absurdly appealing.”
Richard Osman

“I absolutely love these.”
Duncan Jones

“I’m in!”
Edgar Wright

There’s still time to get a calendar of your own

If you’re keen to see all 12 of the fantastic posters, and read the funny descriptions in full, you have until the afternoon of Tuesday 7th October to bag a calendar or two from Kickstarter. If you’re quick, you could even get your name, or a friend’s, added to the calendar.