US donald trump

21 guesses at what Trump’s major announcement would be, that were a whole lot more entertaining than the real thing

Poke Reporter. Updated December 3rd, 2025

With all the news about the White House lying about Venezuelan boat strikes, Trump falling asleep in his own cabinet meeting, and Kristi Noem thanking the president for preventing hurricanes, you could be forgiven for missing his ‘major announcement’.

With generous ‘seed money’ from the multi-billionaire Dell family – the ones who make the computers – every US citizen born between 1 January 2025 and 31 December 2028 will be given a ‘Trump account’ and the gift of $1000.

All US citizens under 18 will be allowed Trump accounts, which are effectively trust funds, but they won’t all get the government donation.

That’s all very well and good, but the announcement had been trumpeted as though it were something – how can we put it – interesting.

There was bound to be speculation, and Nick Sortor encouraged it to come his way.

These ideas were a lot more entertaining than Trump accounts. Let’s dive in.

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