A gag about the Andrew formerly known as Prince has been named this year’s best Christmas cracker joke
A joke about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has won U&GOLD’s annual Christmas Cracker competition.
The TV channel challenged the nation to come up with the best topical Christmas cracker jokes, with Oasis, David Harbour, Celebrity Traitors and Angela Rayner all featuring in the top 10 jokes.
And the winner was …
‘Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles.’
And these other nine made up the festive top 10.
‘Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.’
‘Which pop star carves her own wooden Nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter.’
‘What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They’re both out in the cold.’
‘What is a French burglar’s favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.’
‘Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened!’
‘Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.’
‘What is Claudia Winkleman’s favourite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters.’
‘Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all.’
‘Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage? – His house in Clacton.’
Comedy critic and editor of comedy website, Beyond the Joke Bruce Dessau, who led the U&GOLD judging panel, said: ‘An absolutely stellar list of jokes this year – possibly one of our best ever in the thirteen years U&GOLD has been running this competition!
‘2025 has featured a number of news-worthy moments, and there’s a real mix of topical jokes here that poke fun at some of the year’s headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered this year.’
The annual gag contest is now in its 13th year and celebrates U&GOLD’s seasonal TV lineup, which includes classic festive episodes of some of the nation’s favourite comedies, from Dad’s Army to The Fast Show and The Vicar of Dibley – alongside much-loved Only Fools and Horses, set to air on Christmas day.
Gerald Casey, Director of Programme, Comedy and Entertainment, of U&GOLD parent UKTV said: ‘Congratulations to our 2025 winners! Another fantastic year of hilarious entries, showing that the British public are a funny as ever when it comes to the news.’
The author of the winning joke, Ben Smith, from Chelmsford, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&GOLD Christmas Crackers. The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of U&Gold’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners.