Our 25 Funny Tweets of the Week
Welcome to Friday. It looks like we made it through the week without Trump invading anywhere else – at the time of writing – so that’s a win right there.
Those with a free weekend may already be winding down, and if you have to work, you should probably take a breather while you can.
Either way, we hope these Twitter gems give you a laugh.
1.
when the “pending” transactions from the weekend start coming out of your account pic.twitter.com/UpyMlYOXdF
— Louis Staples (@LouisStaples) January 19, 2026
2.
I’m slightly worried that Crystal Palace could currently be described as a failed state and we could get Donald Trump sending marines here to manage us for the game against Chelsea.
— Mark Steel (@mrmarksteel) January 18, 2026
3.
"What if the ship of Theseus was sentient" is not a question I was prepared to grapple with today. pic.twitter.com/oQQsU57WvW
— Klara (@klara_sjo) January 19, 2026
4.
Sean Penn looks like his cartoon cigar exploded pic.twitter.com/OtGwOEqmQp
— Jayroo (@jayroo69) January 17, 2026
5.
Since this storm started my husband hasn’t stopped looking through the window.
If it gets any worse I’ll have to let him in.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) January 20, 2026
6.
People think I do all the cooking for myself and my husband because I have some trad belief that men don’t belong in the kitchen. The truth is that I am Italian and my husband is English, and I do not believe any English person of any gender belongs in my kitchen.
— Icona (@iconawrites) January 20, 2026
7.
My roomba just beat me to a Cheeto that I dropped on the floor.
This is how the war against machines begins
— Weapon (@HellRaz0r1776) January 21, 2026
8.
buying toilet paper is kinda embarrassing like everyone knows you shit now
— cynomel muncher (@cynomel) January 19, 2026
9.
WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking?
ME: It's funny how arrivederci has the word arrive in it when it actually means that you're leaving.
HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) January 20, 2026
10.
If a hot girl messages you about crypto, block him.
— Crypto Fergani (@cryptofergani) January 21, 2026
11.
PE teachers whilst you freeze your arse off during cross country pic.twitter.com/1Xced2xjVE
— (@MrsFlowers007) January 18, 2026
12.
If birds ever find out which animal we named "fly" instead of them they're going to be fucking pissed
— abcdent (@abcdentminded) January 22, 2026