Our 25 Favourite Funny Tweets of the Week

Welcome back to the Poke round-up of this week’s golden nuggets from Twitter. It’s topical in parts, with puns, pics and generally funny things added in for good measure.

We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed compiling it.

1.

My dad was always a "If you got up there on your own, you can get down on your own" sort of man.
Fantastic father.
Terrible air traffic controller.

— Miss Ally (@MissAlly_01) January 26, 2026

2.

How to cook crack and clean a crab.

Step 1: Use commas.

— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) January 24, 2026

3.

airplane: we offer FREE wifi

me: omg that’s amazing! and it works?

airplane: no

— trash jones (@jzux) January 23, 2026

4.

Please keep your camera on during our zoom meeting and your audio on mute, but please keep your beer out of the picture frame. I don’t need to see you drinking every time I say “do less with more,” “best practices,” “competency based,” “change management,” or KPI.

— Associate Deans (@ass_deans) January 24, 2026

5.

theres no bigger test of patience than typing your fucking email address in on a tv with the remote

— (@4orreall) January 23, 2026

6.

[baby crying in the middle of the night]

wife: your turn

me: [bawling] like this?

— Anthony McHats (@TheHatStore) January 26, 2026

7.

If your partner confesses that he or she cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, “With who?”
But that’s inappropriate. Avoid it.

Instead, ask: “With whom?”

Because if you’re going to experience a life-altering betrayal, you might as well do it with correct…

— Bailey’s Comet (@lakey_musings) January 24, 2026

8.

I'm pretty sure we can all do that already. pic.twitter.com/8T33AHswVV

— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) January 25, 2026

9.

Over coffee this morning my wife said, “Did you hear anything I just said?”
I thought to myself, “That’s an odd way to start a conversation.”

— Mike Bales (@MikeBales) January 24, 2026

10.

michelin has the restaurant thing. goodyear has the blimp. unbelievable and pathetic that bridgestone is bringing absolutely nothing to the table

— SLUG (@generalslug) January 25, 2026

11.

This is why your Dad’s not allowed back in Australia. https://t.co/VrNsRu2KTr

— Sheena (@sarky_sheena) January 29, 2026

12.

Based on the average number of queries per day, ChatGPT is now the world’s third biggest search engine, behind only Google and parents with small kids.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) January 27, 2026